What's wrong with me?

[MerryRedLion]

Using a throwaway account because I'm too embarassed to post this under my real username. I'm 25 and I've never been in a relationship, or even on a date. Before anybody suggests it, I'm pretty sure I'm not asexual or autistic. I've been to university, I've lived abroad, and I have regular hobbies so I've had plenty of opportunities to meet people but I've been single all my life. I have been asked out a handful of times, but I'm usually not attracted whatsoever to the men who're interested in me - they tend to either be the very socially awkward gamer types or just really immature and egotistical. I'd really like to have a family of my own but I'm worried I'll be alone forever!! Everybody I know has no trouble finding people to date and I don't know what my problem is...

Perhaps you are overthinking it a bit. Dating isn't about turning everyone down until you find the person you want to spend the rest of your life with. But you can't make a decision like that at first sight.

Quite a lot of blokes come over as immature and egotistical but turn into perfectly normal people when you get to know them. 😂

There is nothing wrong with you OP. Nothing at all. The one that will attract you will be really unexpected when it does happen, not something you plan.

Find out what attracts you, then find out what sort of partner you are to yourself too, and make a shopping list of what you want in a partner, and stop this self talk that there is something wrong with you. The dating etiquette is tricky now days. So much expectation and not much thinking in what we bring to the table as potential partner, you got this.

I'm decades older than you, and one of the best bits of advice I can remember getting was 'nothing stays the same for ever' - good or bad. You can't help that life rolls on, jobs change, friendship circles move on, and before you know it, you have met and bonded with a few more people. I'm late 50's, pretty average looking and work with a lot of men-I'm gobsmacked I still attract some - it's a shame I've had enough of any type of emotional relationship now and will never share my life again other than with my dogs. Men have been such a let down to me (bar my lovely dad), women don't interest me and I'm done with sex. If I had the choices your generation now have, I'd be financially independent, follow my heart to a T, and have a child via a sperm bank. You'll be ok OP.

Nothing at all wrong with you.
Well, maybe overthinking things but who doesn't.

I was sure at your age i'd never find the "one"
I'd been in a couple of semi serious relationships that didnt go anywhere and a handful of not serious things. All with who I thought my type was. I worked in live music, loved metal and punk. Wore leather a lot and had no problem whatsoever getting myself into trouble (not any legal kind. Just didn't take instruction well).

My "type" was any girl who liked the same things I did and was a bit wild. But they never worked out well.

One day my best friend of over 20 years invited me out to her new boyfriends birthday. My friend was polar opposite to me but that never mattered for friendship. On that night she introduced me to her friend in the hopes of setting us up. She loved pop music, went clubbing and was extremely well organised and so the exact opposite of me in every single way. She did not like live music and would never dream of setting foot in a festival. Her type had always been along the same lines as her too.

Now another 20 years on and we are married with two amazing kids. She is the absolute love of my life and has not changed one bit and nor do I want her to. We have two very separate worlds for work and its great! None of the same old stories that we both know. I ask her every single day how her day was, genuinely interested in all the stories that come from her very organised senior position. She always wants to know about the gigs and who I'm working with.

My very long winded point is. Don't tie yourself to a type or dismiss anyone based on anything you may think you do or don't want.

Nothing wrong with you!
Enjoy your freedom, make money, prepare for your future.
You are going to have to talk/go out/mingle to meet someone though, you don't have to "do" anything you don't want to with them, unless you do.
Know yourself first,know what your looking for in a partner, you will have to bend and compromise but, be in best place personally so you don't lose yourself.
Your the prize!

@justtheotheronemrswembley I definitely am overthinking it but the thought of going out with any of the men who have ever asked me out genuinely makes me feel ill... I don't know how to be ok with going for dinner with someone just to see how things go

@TheAvidWriter Thank you :) Dating just seems so easy for everyone else... it feels like all my friends just bumped into somebody at uni one day and now they're in happy and stable long-term relationships. I don't know why that didn't happen for me

Have you ever asked anyone that you are attracted to out?

@toottoot3 Thanks :) I can't believe so many of my friends had it all figured out so young though! When I was in my early 20s finding my future husband was the last thing on my mind and all I wanted to do was travel and enjoy my freedom but now I'm worried all the good men are taken...

no, pretty much the only time I've ever been attracted to someone I lost interest as soon as we spent some proper time together and I realised we really didn't get along very well...

@AnonymouseDad Thank you for the advice! That's such a good story too :)

Relax. Not everyone is destined to find their partner for life quickly. It can take several goes so it's best not to rush into it.
You may or may not find someone. Don't make it your whole life's ambition. Be free, enjoy yourself on your own terms.

I think just concentrate on cultivating a full life. Friends, hobbies, travel, work. That way you'll never be bored or lonely, you'll be meeting people, you'll have plenty to talk about, you will feel more confident (which is attractive). Don't be afraid to make the first move if you like someone. Be open minded if someone shows an interest. Obviously if you really don't like them you say no, but if you're just a bit unsure/they aren't your usual type, there's no harm in meeting for a coffee and seeing if it goes anywhere. (I'm another who's very happily married to someone who's 'not my type'.) Also, don't put pressure on yourself to rush anything. You're so young. Plenty of people meet their person much older than you.

If you don't end up meeting 'the one' you will still have your busy life and other relationships. But by putting yourself out there you're giving yourself the best possible chance.

Good luck.

Nothing, please believe it. I was the same at your age, I simply had no time for men who did not interest me. I was surrounded by women who needed to have an interested man or boyfriend. It was exhausting, even my sister asked me what was wrong with me!!

I did meet men in my later years (late 30s). If society/ friends hadn’t been so pressured I would have been quite chilled but every event was about ‘have you met anybody’

What was really frustrating was, no matter how you might be struggling in other areas of your life, with work, money, family relationships, as long as you have a ‘man’ no matter how useless he is, somehow you are ‘winning’ at life.

Conversely, if you’ve got a great career and financially independent, everybody bypasses that for ‘have you got a boyfriend’ and that’s how they judge you. To be chosen by a man, no matter how charmless and witless. 🙄

Follow your own path to happiness and fulfilment, if a man appears who adds VALUE, pursue. But to fulfill a vacancy society tells you to. - just no.

Why not ask someone out you like one time and see how that works out?