Newly single, time to start dating?

[Howabsolutelyfanfuckingtastic]

Newly single, not sure where to start with getting myself back out there after being in a relationship over 20 years. I won't go into details of the split etc as I want this thread to be about dating after a long term relationship ends. Any advice? How have others found this? I'm feeling nervous but also kind of excited too. Have you found love again?

How newly? I’d wait for some time and enjoy being single and independent, and enriching my life. That way, if and when you decide to date, you will have much higher standards for whether a relationship is genuinely going to enhance your life.

Honestly, depends how ‘newly’ you mean. If the split is very recent, I’d be inclined to give yourself some time to focus on you before thinking of meeting a new partner.

Depends if you have any children or not that live with you.

It's been a few months and I feel like now might be a good time to have a bit of fun going on dates and meeting new people. I'm not looking for another serious relationship that's for sure.

I get your excitement, it is for a bit, sex is plentiful if you want that but finding a genuine man looking for love and commitment is like finding a £50 note on the pavement, it’s rare and even more rare for a respectable one.

I think if you feel ready then go for it but be very careful. There are a lot of scammers and game players out there. Don't be too trusting, be wary of lovebombing and men who want to move things too quickly. Take your time getting to know someone.

Also, think about other things you can do to enrich your life - hobbies, exercise groups/classes, volunteering, seeing friends. Don't put all your energies into dating, expand the other areas of your life also!

Thank you, I definitely don't want love and commitment at the moment. It's too soon for anything serious. I do feel ready to get back out there, go one some dates and enjoy myself a bit.

Thank you for the advice, dating would only be a very small part of my life. I would like to meet a long term partner eventually but certainly not right now.

Any advice on how to get started? I guess most people go on online dating websites now. I'm so out of touch with all this.

I think its important you are clear on what you mean by enjoy. Are you looking for something casual, where you might be seeing multiple people and that includes sex? Or is it friends with benefits? If you are definitely not looking for a relationship, then make it clear on your profile. Else, few months later you'll be saying, all men want is sex. You lead the way by knowing how you want to enjoy yourself and what your expectations are, in terms of date planning, frequency, communication etc. and that is important whether casual or serious.

The overall quality of men on dating apps is poor, whilst there are decent ones out there you will need to filter through all the sex pests, men with zero social skills, men who aren’t even single etc.

I know this sounds quite negative, but as you haven’t used dating apps and are only months single from a long -term relationship it it’s important to realise from the off that the amount of decent men who are good company is genuinely absolutely tiny.

If you are certain you want to get back out there, google the Burned Haystack dating method for weeding twats out when online dating and follow it stringently. Good luck!

If you are looking for casual sex, there are plenty of men keen for that on OLD.

If that's what you want, make sure you are safe, physically as well as emotionally.

Burned Haystack is excellent but specifically aimed at women who are looking for long term monogamous partners, which sounds like you aren't at the moment. Still worth a look on the group though, lots of excellent advice about protecting yourself and looking for patterns

Join the dating thread. However I do echo a PP that’s there really isn’t an abundance of good quality single men out there even if you’re just looking for sex.
If you join OLD and say you’re looking for something casual you’ll be inundated with offers - whether you want to take what’s on offer is another matter.

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/relationships/5472229-dating-thread-54-new-year-new-irons?utm_campaign=thread&utm_medium=app_share

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I was, also going to suggest you join the dating thread on here.The dating 'rules' at the top of the thread are definitely worth reading!

I felt like this and I was introduced to my now partner within weeks of leaving my 20 year marriage. I don’t know you’re circumstances but I’d grieved the end of my marriage before it ended as I knew it was coming so even though it was just a short time on paper, to me it had been a lot longer in reality so don’t feel like it’s too soon just because people tell You it’s too soon. If you’re ready then do it and have fun!

That's exactly how I feel, it's been a long time coming and when it ended I was shocked at actually how ok I felt. Glad you found a new man and I wish you well for the future!

Thank you for all of the advice, it's going to be a shock starting over dating but i'll give it a try. I'm not after casual sex, more going on dates and being treated nice if that's possible

Just have a thick skin and go for it.

If you are looking for one off sex with men who are physically attractive but that's about it then dating apps are full of them.
If you want decent conversation then things start to dwindle a bit, add in morals and your getting a thinner selection. If you want sex more than once and them to care about you in any sense then it's a stretch.
It's just luck if you manage to find anything different to one of sexual encounters.
But I'm still hopeful so for me it's worth the effort to try. Just a shame when you finally match with someone who seems half decent is your age, can make conversation and suddenly you get notified that they've been removed from the site as they were behaving fraudulently trying to scam individuals!! 😂

If you want to "get back out there" then get a friend and start going to singles events. You'll meet lots of people, make friendships and meet the opposite sex.

Better than just going on the apps and spendings hours per week at home analysing profiles with the heavily advertised Burned Haystack.

Be aware that "not looking for anything serious", "enjoying myself", "fun" and "intimacy" exclusively mean casual sex on dating apps so make sure you word your profile carefully.

See also any mention of adventurous or spontaneous.

Just be aware that's what most men are looking for/expecting and be wise to it.

I'll be careful and make it clear what I want. I'm not going to just jump at the first man who shows any interest.