Regular nightmares

[Vividdreamsandnightmares]

I have name changed for this, partly because I feel faintly ridiculous for even asking as, deep down, I know the answer.

I have just awoken from a very vivid nightmare, as happens very regularly, most weeks, in the early hours of Tuesday mornings. This is a recurring pattern.

To set the background - my partner and I are in a long distance relationship and I travel every Friday, after work, to spend the weekend with her in her home city, leaving early on Monday mornings and travelling straight to my place of work. Therefore Monday night is my first night back in my own home after being away for 3 nights. I have become accustomed to these regular nightmares and have reached the conclusion that this is my subconscious telling me that the relationship is, at best, not healthy and, at worst, damaging to my mental and physical health and wellbeing.

The fact of the matter is that my partner is constantly pressuring me to sell my property and move to her city and, frankly, this is weighing me down, not only because her environment and lifestyle are totally alien to me (though I have tried so very, very hard to adapt to it), but I feel that my own home is where I belong - it wraps its arms around me, hugs me and makes me feel welcome every time I walk through the door - my secure haven and safe space from the world!

I am not really seeking advice as I know what needs to be done, if only I could find my voice. I just feel that I need to write down the ruminations and thoughts running through my head as I lie here, once again, mulling over my future if I aceed to my partner's pressure.

Thank you for reading.

I feel that my own home is where I belong - it wraps its arms around me, hugs me and makes me feel welcome

Yup. Don't move!

I considered asking a bit about the dreams, in case there were obvious motifs for moving/staying. But you know, your subconscious knows, and your emotions know. Case closed!

Apologies, I should have mentioned that I am autistic, although not sure if that makes a difference...

her environment and lifestyle are totally alien to me

You're insane to be considering this move. You aren't compatible.

Tonight's nightmare involved bullying from an overbearing parent, but the simile is there! And I have no intention of moving - it would be akin to uprooting a polar bear and plonking it in a desert, or, conversely, expecting a camel to survive in the Arctic! Neither would last long!

In the past I have had a number of nightmare scenarios which involved relationships / work situations /ex's

My subconscious was telling me what I did not want to hear. Common sense prevailed and although my actions at the time were difficult, the situations I was in worked out for the best.

This may sound daft for want of a better word but you know what you have to do and that is what the dream is about.

Your nightmares are stress and anxiety related due to your relationship. You know deep down that the relationship, your partner's lifestyle and the constant asking you to move to her city isn't what you want deep down. I am going to liken the nightmares to panic attacks.

My guess is that once you have ended the relationship, which you know you need to do, the nightmares will disappear.

Your subconscious is your very good friend here isn't it?

Please do listen to it ... though at a guess, you're going to :-)

Absolutely this! I live a mile up a single track lane in an historic, and largely unspoilt, cottage, surrounded by fields, open space, peace, calm and tranquility, birds, insects, animals and plants -I chose this location very carefully as it offers me everything which is important to me. No doubt, if I were to move I would also have to give up my bees, chickens, treasured possesions and precious books - in fact everything which is meaningful to me and part of my identity. I am also being pressured to take a pension (from a previous employer) in July, when it starts paying out, and take early retirement. It is all a horrendous prospect!

Dear God - you're being pressured to give up all that?

I cannot believe that anyone with your best interests at heart would do that.

Would it help if the best of Mumsnet collectively pressure you to stay in your own beloved haven? Because you cannot leave such a little piece of heaven!

No I absolutely cannot give up or leave this place which is where my heart belongs! I thought that my partner would also fall in love with it too, but sadly not! She only came to stay once last year, for a long weekend and to give her grandson a holiday in the country. I do understand that she has strong ties to her city - her immediate and extended family, friends, adult son and daughter, her grandsons and her elderly widowed mum (who, incidentally, I adore) and I have no familial ties in my area, but we are only an hour's drive apart, not opposite ends of the country!

Sadly I think that she does not actually have my best interests at heart, only her own, and that I am 'useful, but not important'.

That's a very sad realisation to come to, but better now than after you've given your haven up.

Quite so - I feel a little like a 'boiled frog' in that analogy, but still time to escape from the boiling pan!

Just a quick update - and a thank you, also, to those who commented - nightmares are still occurring, the latest one being that everything in life was widdershins, topsy turvy, inside out, back to front and upside down!

Brought on, no doubt, by my partner's latest notion that we should club together with her mum, daughter, son in law (together with their baby son and two big boisterous dogs) and all buy a property together and live as one large, happy, multi generational unit. My assertion that this was an absolute 'no, no' for me did not go down well, to say the least! But it has not stopped her sending me links to properties which she thinks might be suitable. I cannot, simply cannot, give up my own safe space and peace of mind for a leap into the unknown which would destroy my mental and physical health and wellbeing just to accommodate or keep others happy.
Talk some sense into me, please.

You cannot. It is INSANE.

It is an absolutely insane idea.

You barely know them, how in God's name can she even begin to consider putting you into a situation with all these people, a baby and two big dogs?

Lovely, she is not respecting either your very clearly stated No, or who you are.

This would be hell for you, no? And either she doesn't care about that or she really doesn't know you.

I remember your last thread on this. Your girlfriend is a nightmare who is using you for your money and free labour and I'm sad to hear you're still allowing this and staying with her. You deserve better.