I will try to keep this as short as possible. I'm only posting to get the bigger picture from someone outside of my circle reading it. any advice, point of view, comment will be greatly appreciated.
I started dating my then neighbour, let's call him E. in 2019. Even though he wasn't my type, I fell for him and gave him all of me and we started a happy relationship. we got on great, intimacy was great, we were happy, at least I thought so. at beginning of the relationship there were a lot of red flags, I suspected there might be other women involved, someone even rang me and told me he is a womaniser, to never trust him, but he swore to his daughter's life and his mother's grave there wasn't anything going on, so anyway we carried on.
I found myself pregnant year 2021, our beautiful daughter was born 2022. when she was 3 months old, I had suspicions and I've done a bit of digging on his old phone where his Apple ID was still active and found out few things. He was dating me and another women for at least first 12 months of our relationship, he was always messaging other women, dirty, sexy messages as well as emotional involvement with them, talking about his work and his eldest daughter, he was often on tinder, always perving at 'porny' women on social media etc. Can I just add this man is 18 years older than me. Anyway he begged and said he was depressed etc, I was understanding and we tried to carry on for the sake of our baby and our love. I was heartbroken and obviously found it very difficult to trust and believe him. I played my boundaries clear and explained what I want and need to build trust. He said he understands but things didn't change much. He carried on for next few months - being overly friendly with exes, putting hearts on their messages, pervy. He clearly overstepped my boundaries and I wasn't strong enough to maintain them. I was vulnerable, on maternity leave, 2 children from previous relationship. He is a wealthy man (don't judge me please).
When baby was 9 months old, after another tearful evening while breastfeeding our baby and desperately trying to explain to him how painful is that he still keeps messaging his exes with love hearts and being overly friendly with his interior designers and other women, perving on girls on social media, plus not living with me and my kids and our baby, I've decided I had enough and I deserve much better. Our relationship started an on and off cycle. I dated someone else but only for few months and ended up running back to E. he was dating too but always lying to me and saying he wasn't. He lied to me about involvement with another women on first day of us getting back together. Anyway we ended up trying again. Things were shit. Still we got on to some level and got great intimicy but that's it. I didn't feel his support, didn't feel seen, valued, he didn't choose us, I felt like a single mum. Our Baby couple of years old and he still not living with us. He wanted the title of relationship and call me his partner, without fully committing. Always choosing golf, lads holidays over spending time with family, despite me telling him clearly what I want and need. few months in he was back to his old tricks, swapping phone numbers with women while he was out, wtf, we were trying to make it work.
After few months I checked out again, he just wasn't meeting my needs. In 2024 I've met a man who was very fund of me. We started dating and I realised I really like him. Now it's been 12 months of on and off dating with E. and kind of stuck in cycle with the new man S. because of E. in the Background.
E. doesn't want to let me go. Promising undying love and commitment, finally after 6 yers of relationship with him, he wants us to live together and wants to commit, marry me. I know he loves me. He found out about S. and he is absolutely heartbroken and begging for us to be together.
I do love E., I respect him for being baby's dad and we have sexual chemistry, but I don't think that's enough. He has changed at this moment in time but I know in my heart it will only last couple of months till he be back to his old ways, family never comes first for him.
I do want to give S. a proper chance. I want a new chapter in my life. He is a wonderful, family orientated man. Our values and morals align. We connect deeply on emotional level as well as physical. He adores me, wants to give me the world, ready to commit, I know he sees me for who I am, he treats me like an absolute queen and he is my biggest fan.
I know E. will be devastated if I choose S. he doesn't eat, doesn't sleep in that state and falls in to depression but I have to think of myself. Then I sometimes feel guilty for not giving this family a chance. I've already left my older kids dad, doing it this time again?
E. is a good dad when he is around, I would never stop him from seeing our daughter. E. was going to therapy and still sometimes does, he gains bigger awareness but the personality and deep rooted values never change.
I hope someone have read this to the end and can give me a little insight from the outside. much appreciated if you do. Love to You