Dating after bereavement is it normal to feel guilty

[OneLimeDuck]

My wife died September 2019 at the time our eldest daughter was not quite 4 and our youngest just over 2.
Just before Christmas last year I started seeing a woman I met at work.
Obviously my children come first and she understands and expects that, she has no children of her own.
My problem is that I feel guilty, it almost feels like I am betraying my wife.
Logically I know it isn't the case, but emotionally it is different.
The woman I am dating thinks my feelings are normal and I am never going to stop loving my wife but that the guilty feelings are likely to fade.

I am asking others who gave dated again following bereavement information this feeling of guilt is normal and does it fade?

I’m so sorry for your loss. You have been on your own for a long time and are putting your children first.
You deserve some happiness and I’m sure that you have been through so much. It sounds like the person you are dating is understanding.
Your feelings are completely understandable. Nobody can ever replace your wife or the mother of your children. That doesn’t mean that you need to be alone though.
Our daughter died in 2020 a few months after she was due to get married. Her fiance has just started seeing someone about 6 months ago. He was there throughout her horrendous diagnosis and illness.
We are so happy for him and he deserves a positive future. Wouldn’t want him to be alone. At the same time I would struggle to see them together and don’t really like hearing about them as a couple. That’s just me as I struggle every day.
It may be different for you because of your children. Just tread carefully with her family and friends but hopefully they will all be supportive.
Wishing you all the best moving forward.

I think most people in that situation feel some level of guilt… but by dating again you’re not betraying her or her memory.

I’m sure your wife would want you to be happy and find a new partner.

Please grab your chance of happiness again with both hands, your wife would want you to be happy again. My husband passed away suddenly 16 months ago and I have recently started dating a fellow widower. We both so happy to have a second chance of a good life together, guilt does creep in but unfortunately there was nothing we could do about their passing. Tomorrow isn't a given as I very cruelly found out, I wish you happiness going forward x

It’s because you still have an emotional connection to your wife - I haven’t ever experienced bereavement, but I would imagine this is common. This is several years down the line, not a few months but keep in mind if the feeling doesn’t shift ask yourself is it fair to continue seeing this woman.

Good luck.

Your feelings are very normal and to be expected but please, as someone who dated a widower, find someone else, other than your new girlfriend, to talk to in depth about your feelings.

As if/when your feelings with each other deepen this could cause a rift in your relationship.

For me, personally, I found it harder and harder to hear about feelings towards the late wife the more I fell in love with my ex.

It's a hard relationship for both sides to navigate. Good luck.

Thank you to everyone for their advice and thoughts.

I am fortunate that the woman I am dating is level headed, understanding and empathic. Most definitely will I be considering what is fair for her going forward.

I do know at least that my in-laws think it is good for me to have potentially found someone. I always know that when I lost my wife they lost their daughter.

My father explained it perfectly: he was immensely lucky to have had two great loves in his life. Just because he found a second love, it did not diminish his love for my mother (who died a similar sort of time before as your wife).

OP I still love the man who died 40 years ago, as well as my late DH who died a year ago.

I know what you mean about feeling betrayal, but marriage vows are Till death do you part. You honour the love for your late wife by carrying on living and loving again.