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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Never having a disagreement or an argument

2 replies

LucyLoo1972 · 16/02/2026 01:57

Ive made a few threads on here about my marriage thats is struggling horrifically after I had a psychotic breakdown nine years ago. it devastated our lives completely. one of the hard thigns that blindsided me completely is that before my breakdown we had only once had a full on argument (which was related to my DH making things difficult for me with my abusive father).

I see so many threads on here about difficult interactions over tiny things like hanging a wet duvet on a maiden causing a difficult interaction. we never ever had any of this kind of interaction. we also never argued aobut bigger things, even if they were thigns that were hard for me, like not resign a birthday gift or my DH letting me take the mental load of everything. and we never even argued about difficulties and differences in regard to finances or not discussing properly issues around having children.

this is one of the reasons that I thought our marriage is perfect. we could also talk for hours and hours and never run out of things to talk about ever as we are both very intellectual and academics and just very like minded in many things - like overall vision and goals for our life. And then when I got unwell so severely everythign fell apart. but one thing especially, some much anger came out and it was like everything id ever wanted to say but didnt just came out.

I know im seriously unwell so my judgement is skewed btu what do people think about the no conflict and no difficult interactions? I just thought we were very good together and my DH says he thinks we had brilliant communication whereas I would now say the opposite I think.

Any thoughts?

OP posts:
PyongyangKipperbang · 16/02/2026 03:02

Sounds like the reason you didnt fall out was because you sucked it all up inside and it all came tumbling out in the form of your breakdown. So the anger was all of the resentment you kept down coming out.

What is your therapists view of this?

LucyLoo1972 · 16/02/2026 03:12

PyongyangKipperbang · 16/02/2026 03:02

Sounds like the reason you didnt fall out was because you sucked it all up inside and it all came tumbling out in the form of your breakdown. So the anger was all of the resentment you kept down coming out.

What is your therapists view of this?

I was under a lot of other stresses too with the academic research was doing.

my therapist does think it would be factor because he thinks some of his behaviours would be pretty stressful.

but it makes me confused becasue I dint feel angry or resentful at the time - I honestly didnt and dont know why I dint. most women would be pretty vocal about some of it.

its all pretty devastating becasue I lost everything id worked for adnd im a completely different person.

it makes me fee la really bad perosn. my DH must have been keeping stuff in becasue he never got cross or angry with me either and I ,just have hacked him off plenty.

its all so so dad. the breakdown I had nearly killed me and I dont even feel liek myself anymore. I lost everythign

OP posts:
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