Husband's porn addiction has had a massive effect on me.

[LivelyMum]

I found out 2 years ago that my husband had a porn addiction that he has had for much of his life, even before we met. He was going on porn websites and adult webcams. It's been a massive shock and it's made me feel that I'm not any good. He told me he would stop and it has taken 2 years for him to get over his addiction and he has worked on changing the way he thinks about women. I still love him and he has really turned his life around. In the meantime I have lost my confidence because I can't stop thinking about how he made me feel and I feel uncomfortable when out in public when there are younger women around. He gives me lots of reassurance and our sex life is great now. I'm looking to talk to people here who have had a similar experience, what did they do and what advice can they give me to help rebuild my confidence.

I agree with this. He is your fiancee and he is making you this miserable. Don't turn this problem into your husband, which will make you 100 times more unhappy. Now is your time to get away, before you marry someone that you know watches and continues to watch porn. He won't stop - why would he, if you caught him at it but still marry him, he will take that as permission.

Thank you that's really good advice

I married my husband and I am his 3rd wife. I love him. I am slim and look after myself. I've always had big breasts( the bane of my life) but no complaints from any men except from my husband who has described them as saggy and floppy. I am so devastated and feel gross as I recently discovered porn has played a secret role in his life and I feel so confused, sad, cheated and ugly in comparison. I wouldn't ever like to look like these ' perfect' women but I am falling apart knowing his gaze and mind is on them and not me. I feel a poor substitute.
My husbands previous wife was 17 years younger than me and extrovert which was a niggling worry when we met. I always feel I've never matched her either . I am a shy and self conscious person mainly about my breasts. This has increased my pain and feel because of my shyness I've let him down. Sexually and visually.
I feel so devastated and ugly.
What can any normal women do? What is the point of love and trust? What is the point of marrying someone? Remembering the vows?
I feel porn is now out of control in todays world and so easily accessible even to our children. I am broken and disillusioned.

Why have you pathologised this as an addiction?

If someone enjoys a glass of wine with dinner every day, is that an addiction?

You say you have a great sex life, so I imagine he doesn't suffer from a lack of enthusiasm or erectile dysfunction?

Like many men, I think he has a very different idea of what monogamy actually is, and is using porn as a masturbatory tool, as something to watch when he's doing it. It doesn't mean he's addicted to it all, and rather have an honest confrontation with you by saying 'I like watching porn and I'm going to stop for you if I can get away with it', it sounds like he's also inserted himself into this addiction narrative.

How many times a day are we talking about? Was it several times a day? Was he look at it regularly on his phone? Following random women on social media or following friends or family of yours in a way you felt was pervy?

I'm just challenging this 'addict' label because I think you need to consider that he has far more control over his use of porn that what you might believe.

God that is so grim @NeedyMintReader

Porn has really made so many mediocre, average men think think deserve a woman who looks like a porn model, and your husband is probably more entitled than the usual man given that he used to have a wife that was 17 years younger.

This is why so may Millennial women and Gen Z are choosing to remain single. Those generations of men in particular have been raised on hardcore porn.

@LivelyMum very manipulative.
call the police for a welfare check explain what he is saying .
That will give him the shock he needs and your peace of mind he is safe .