Arrrghhhhh!

[Rage88]

I was cleaning the kitchen and then went upstairs to hang out some washing. Husband (who is very good at doing half the home stuff and he cooks) came upstairs to show me something on his phone. At that moment I was struggling with a wet king size duvet on an airer (heavy) and it annoyed me.

He then went to help by hanging some small towels below where I was hanging the cover and it basically getting in the way. It really annoyed me as I'd been cleaning the kitchen and then doing this and he said "the kitchen didn't need cleaning, I did it earlier" so basically invalidated what I'd done. We had a few words as I was frustrated (more me than him).

He's now taken himself off to sulk and it drives me mad. He refused to show me the thing he'd come to show me "I'll show you later when you've calmed down" which obviously just annoyed me more. I just went upstairs and he was laying on the floor in the bedroom!

This kind of behaviour drives me completely mad.

My annoyance comes out in words, his in passive aggressive actions. I know both are bad. How do we work on this? I currently am still really annoyed by it and want to go and shout at him to grow tf up, but that won't help anyone.

You aren't using your words either - atleast at the right time! Couldn't you just have asked him for help with the duvet? If he is not usually a slacker (which your post suggests he is not) seems like a storm in a teacup. There might be growing up to be done on both sides!

Why is he lying on the floor?!

Well he'd have to get into his pyjamas to lie on the bed, obviously. DOH

Well he'd have to get into his pyjamas to lie on the bed, obviously.
Eh? Care to explain that? Please.

I guess he felt pretty useless if he cleaned the kitchen and you did it again ?

and if you had said “ leave them and help me with this” it might have helped - people are not mind readers and just because it’s obvious to you - various mathematic functions are obvious to me but I know that everyone sees the world differently

Not a Mumsnet regular eh?

So you go into controlling ADULT role and he goes into petulant CHILD - you need to change the dynamic to adult role- adult role

like someone said using your words - both of you - you can still do it afterwards - stop yourself when you are about to slip into a controlling adult role and ask from a nurturing adult role - “oh babe I know you want to show me that could we do this first” - that enables him to stay in an adult role too

Sorry he came upstairs and started the controlling adult by saying about kitchen - you as a child feeling how you did - then you swapped and you came from a controlling parent position - then as I said above

Ive been on Mumsnet for at least ten years and I don’t know what you mean either!

Mumsnet has certain rules - like it’s odd to answer door when it rings or lie on bed in clothes

Seems to me he as tried to avoid an argument after you havent been very nice to him. If my wife gets like this and walk away to save me getting annoyed and an argument breaking out. If I have really done something wrong then I would own it and take the ear bashing but in this case it sounds on you.

Do you lie on the floor and sulk?

I think he started it commenting on the kitchen

I’m puzzled by why you were cleaning the kitchen if he usually pulls his weight around household chores and had already cleaned the kitchen.

Had he cleaned but not to your standard ? Did you not realise it had already been cleaned? How do you agree standards for household chores? Do you think you have the final say?

Lol no I would leave the room maybe go read my book or watch tv but I suppose everyone as different ways of dealing with these things.

Not really maybe he feels that his being told his efforts are not good enough etc and as the OP said she was more frustrated and it seems she took her annoyance out on him. Maybe she should have been the one to go for a lie down and wait for that frustration to pass as it seems he was doing nothing more than trying to help.

I'd been cleaning the kitchen and then doing this and he said "the kitchen didn't need cleaning, I did it earlier" so basically invalidated what I'd done.

Doesn't you cleaning the kitchen after he's cleaned the kitchen invalidate what he did?

Look above - he came up and made a insulting comment first

doesn’t really matter - they both kept swapping places in the arguement

No issues with the earlier clean, he'd just forgotten that we had since cooked lunch! It needed cleaning again, dishwasher emptying and reloading.

We have both apologised. He claimed not to be sulking and just chilling before cooking dinner. I have explained how it made me feel and we are all good. We have different personalities, I'd rather get it all out at the time and nd he'd rather go away and deal with it later, which causes further conflict.

Does he withdra and then you chase him?

Glad it's not just me.
When I read posts like some of the ones on this thread i honestly think I live in a different world because they make no sense to me.