Please help - should I leave? (Emotional affair)

[Thewovendiary]

i have been with my partner for about 2.5years - we own a house together.

He took me out for a date on Thursday night and when we came back he told me he’d been messaging another woman since October but that it meant nothing and it was because she was blackmailing him out of money?! I asked to see their chat but he’d deleted it.

On Friday I asked for the woman’s number and he gave it to me. I contacted her and she said they had first spoken in January last year and he’d got back in touch with her in October - he’d told her he wasn’t happy in the relationship, told her he’d break up with me and they’d spoken daily since October - including Christmas Day and NYE - times we were together and was obviously messaging her in my presence. They’d also exchanged 100s of nude photos.

She also said he’d threatened her with sending the photos to her dad and boss if she ever told me!

He is saying it was a mistake - I love him so much but don’t feel I can ever trust him again?

The other woman sent me screenshots and voice notes from him confirming what she’d said - so he was obviously lying

She's obviously threatened to tell you so he gets in there first with the lame excuse of blackmailing for money.

That’s exactly what I was thinking had happened

OP, l agree with all that @ Dery wrote. He is a disgusting, lying cheat, you will ever be able to trust him again. Please don't think he will change, he's only confessed as the OW has threatened to expose him. Don't hesitate, see a solicitor asap to sort out the house side of things and then dump him.

If you take him back you do so knowing he will absolutely do it again and again and probably physical next time too .. you will have given him the green light as he knows you will accept any behaviour just to be with him. It’s that simple .. I mean it would be so over for me but some people are willing to accept anything .. it’s v v sad.

You wouldn’t have known anything about it if she hadn’t threatened to tell you. He’s acting remorseful now because that’s what he needs to do to keep you where you are. But he doesn’t respect you. If he can’t even make it to 2.5 years without feeling like he’s missing out, he’ll only drag you down.

You will be dealing with a version of this for the rest of your life if you stay in this relationship. Could he change with a lot of therapy, soul searching, active changes…maybe. Is it likely..no. Is it your responsibility…no.

This isn’t an emotional affair. This is pretty crass and horrible, the man you thought he was doesn’t exist.

Thanks - someone posted him in “are we dating the same guy” (I’m assuming the woman) and someone else commented the same thing so clearly a pattern