Husband overweight

Charlotte350 · 2026-02-14T22:41:17+00:00

Husband is over weight he has massive double chin, chubby belly, moobs and tbh I don't fancy him at all, it's becoming a problem as I dont want to have sex with him as I'm not attracted to him. I have had an honest conversation and said I don't like it and would like him to join the gym and take care of him self. I cook from scratch and always do healthy meals but nothing is working, as he says he's to tired to do any working out. I go to the gym classes and work out couple of times a week and eat healthy so it's not like I don't try to stay healthy.

DidIJustHearWhatIThinkYouSaid · 14/02/2026 22:42

If you have got the ick it’s hard to come back from. Is there a reason for him gaining weight? Depression?

AnneLovesGilbert · 14/02/2026 22:43

What was his response to the honest conversation?

ImmortalSnowman · 14/02/2026 22:46

Leave him then.

Nothing is working but doesn't sound like anything has been tried.

If you are the one making his meals, make less.

Original poster

Charlotte350 · 14/02/2026 22:48

AnneLovesGilbert · 14/02/2026 22:43

What was his response to the honest conversation?

He just said that he will stop eating. (Meaning do the fasting diet) I told him it's better to eat, but healthy and work out but he said after work he's too tired.

OP posts:

FeelingALittleWoozyHere · 14/02/2026 22:49

Its unattractive when people have no drive to take care lf themselves, regardless of their size

Exercise really doesn't help with weight loss, but its a good habit to get into and good for maintainance. It's really about what he is eating. He must be overeating to have put on so much weight - would he respond well to you helping him work out his TDEE and planning his eating around a calorie deficit? And adding in some walking at least as a start?

Original poster

Charlotte350 · 14/02/2026 22:51

FeelingALittleWoozyHere · 14/02/2026 22:49

Its unattractive when people have no drive to take care lf themselves, regardless of their size

Exercise really doesn't help with weight loss, but its a good habit to get into and good for maintainance. It's really about what he is eating. He must be overeating to have put on so much weight - would he respond well to you helping him work out his TDEE and planning his eating around a calorie deficit? And adding in some walking at least as a start?

He gets up in the middle of night, he started eating the kids snacks for pack lunch like half a block of cheese and sometimes calls at McDonald's and gets a wrap of the day. It's almost like he's a secret eater.

OP posts:

FeelingALittleWoozyHere · 14/02/2026 22:52

Charlotte350 · 14/02/2026 22:51

He gets up in the middle of night, he started eating the kids snacks for pack lunch like half a block of cheese and sometimes calls at McDonald's and gets a wrap of the day. It's almost like he's a secret eater.

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Honestly that sounds like a mental health issue and I'd be looking into counselling

tanoshi · 14/02/2026 22:54

It gives me the ick too OP. I can't do Curvy or average. It is just a preference. Some women like dad bods. It's the way of the world. I would suggest a move away from the relationship if he can't get fit and healthy.

BangFlash · 14/02/2026 22:58

He has a problem. He HAS suggested a solution - he will fast - and you shot him down.

Fasting would be a good thing, a fixed eating window would mean no midnight snacking.

Its probably not a long term solution but would help reset his eating patterns and may change his attitude. You could support him.

MeridaBrave · 14/02/2026 23:00

Could he take weight loss injections?

Exercise doesn’t help weight loss directly but weightlifting is helpful to maintain muscle mass when weight is lost and cardio is good for health health. If the food you cook is healthy why is he overweight

Original poster

Charlotte350 · 14/02/2026 23:02

MeridaBrave · 14/02/2026 23:00

Could he take weight loss injections?

Exercise doesn’t help weight loss directly but weightlifting is helpful to maintain muscle mass when weight is lost and cardio is good for health health. If the food you cook is healthy why is he overweight

I think he's secretly eating and because he's doing an office type job he's not active.

OP posts:

Original poster

Charlotte350 · 14/02/2026 23:02

I think he's secretly eating and because he's doing an office type job he's not active.

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I have suggested the weight loss injections as I've heard that are affective and have quick results

OP posts:

Original poster

Charlotte350 · 14/02/2026 23:07

I am getting concered about his health, sometimes he snores and therefore sleeps in the spare room. His grandad died at 42 of a heart attack and his own dad suffered from depression. In worried it's genetic.

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Rose213 · 14/02/2026 23:13

depends on his weight really... 1 or 2 stone over weight? You're being harsh as probably most men a similar age are slightly overweight.

5 stone+ overweight then yeah that's a problem.

either way if you love someone you should be able to look past it... if you can't then your relationships done anyway.

Merseymum1980 · 14/02/2026 23:19

Im sure its much..more complex than just not taking action .
As someone who has gained 4 stone in the last two years through emotional eating. Im.really struggling as im always hungry and i reaach for food as comfort.
Will power doesnt work for everyone.
I desperatly want to.loose fat but i feel addicted to food

Merseymum1980 · 14/02/2026 23:21

Rose213 · 14/02/2026 23:13

depends on his weight really... 1 or 2 stone over weight? You're being harsh as probably most men a similar age are slightly overweight.

5 stone+ overweight then yeah that's a problem.

either way if you love someone you should be able to look past it... if you can't then your relationships done anyway.

Agree when your inlove , you shouldnt give a jott

RavenFinch · 14/02/2026 23:40

Charlotte350 · 14/02/2026 22:48

He just said that he will stop eating. (Meaning do the fasting diet) I told him it's better to eat, but healthy and work out but he said after work he's too tired.

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Is he working long hours? Lots of overtime?

Does he work longer hours than you?

Is he also helping with chores / kids packed lunches / getting kids to school?

Possible theories
● he feels resentful of working so many long hours to provide for you and the kids if he thinks you are working less ???

● unfortunately the poor food choices he is making are contributing to him feeling tired (and also the snoring)

● his office job is boring but also stressful and the stress hormone cortisol is also contributing to his weight gain

(I don't know if you have a different type of job where you are more active on your feet all day?)

If he could recognise the effect his desk based mundane (but slso stressful) office job is having on his health, he could try and find ways to make his office life more healthy and less stressful:

● lunchtime walks
● lots of fruit and vegetables / salad for energy
● make himself have regular 5 minute breaks away from the desk
● midday meditation using the CALM app
● setting himself limits on hours and overtime
● him deciding : I will leave the office at .....pm every day and be home 30 mins earlier to see my wife / kids

If he is unable to recognise what things have led to him feeling down / slightly depressed and as if there is nothing he can do to effect change..... then he may be a lost cause.

FrayaMorstater · 15/02/2026 01:56

Rose213 · 14/02/2026 23:13

depends on his weight really... 1 or 2 stone over weight? You're being harsh as probably most men a similar age are slightly overweight.

5 stone+ overweight then yeah that's a problem.

either way if you love someone you should be able to look past it... if you can't then your relationships done anyway.

Maybe if you love someone you can get over the fact that you find them physically repulsive? I had to finish a relationship because I could no longer face sex as he’d put on weight, he was short so it was very noticeable and his belly squashed me, also seeing him naked turned my stomach. Did I tell him, no. I didn’t want to hurt his feelings. But i couldn’t help mine. I also realises I didn’t actually love him, maybe if I did I could have put up with it. You can’t help what you are attracted to.

Lurkingandlearning · 15/02/2026 02:16

Carrying around all that extra weight is probably adding to his tiredness. It will definitely lessen the quality of his sleep. Despite that, he shouldn't be too tired for a short walk, especially as he has a sedentary job.

The good news, if you can call it that, is heavier people often initially lose weight quite quickly from exercise because their body is working harder due to the extra weight. (That was explained on a weight loss reality show, but makes sense to me.) They will plateau but if they understand why, they might maintain the motivation to push through that. Perhaps then would be the time to go to the gym.

When you next talk to him about the problem maybe bring this in, but definitely ask him why, given his family history, he isn't concerned enough to try to do something about losing the weight.

Goonyoucanaskme · 15/02/2026 08:49

Charlotte350 · 14/02/2026 22:48

He just said that he will stop eating. (Meaning do the fasting diet) I told him it's better to eat, but healthy and work out but he said after work he's too tired.

Show quote history

If fasting is what he can manage, encourage him. It's easier for some people than cutting down and has good results.

Harrietsaunt · 15/02/2026 08:54

Exercise isn’t going to fix his shitty eating habits.

WLI would probably help, but he might need to take them long term.

What does he mean when he suggests fasting? If he means Intermittent Fasting then sure, that helps lots of people to lose weight. If he is being petulant and saying “well I will just stop eating then” that is childish and annoying.

Frenchfrychic · 15/02/2026 08:55

This is going to cause some upset, as some posters will project on their own weight and relationship and feel horrified if their partner didn’t fancy them as they got fat. You will hear lots of you being shallow and how people age and change and how if you loved him you’d want to shag him and fancy him, irrelevant of appearance,

id gird my loins,

Seaoftroubles · 15/02/2026 09:27

OP, if he is getting up in the night and eating your kids packed lunches plus half blocks of cheese etc then it's more than just lack of exercise and l expect he is snacking all day at work too. I would encourage him to see his GP and talk it through. As he is obese and if he fits the rest of the criteria weightless injections might well be offered but if not intermittent fasting is a good way to start. However it would be pojntless if he still continues to indulge in night time snacking.

Brightbluesomething · 15/02/2026 11:09

This is not a LTB if it’s an otherwise happy relationship. I’d encourage him to see his GP and talk about WLI to reset his cravings and avoid the nighttime binges. He may really struggle to maintain the willpower to do this himself through fasting. It will significantly reduce his likelihood of long term medical conditions to lose weight now.
My friends husband has been on them for nearly a year and doesn’t pay for them. He’s lost a lot of weight relatively slowly and increased his exercise now he’s lighter. He’s got a way to go but it seems to be the support he needed to get healthier.

NotMajorTom · 15/02/2026 11:46

Frenchfrychic · 15/02/2026 08:55

This is going to cause some upset, as some posters will project on their own weight and relationship and feel horrified if their partner didn’t fancy them as they got fat. You will hear lots of you being shallow and how people age and change and how if you loved him you’d want to shag him and fancy him, irrelevant of appearance,

id gird my loins,

I think on mumsnet it’s fine to be repulsed by a male partner who has put on weight, it’s just the men who don’t fine their partner attractive after weight gain who are arseholes…