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Original poster

Faking Illness

35 replies

justhowdoyouknow · 14/02/2026 16:30

NC

I am posting this on behalf of a friend but need some advice…..

My friend has been with her partner for 20 years. No children together.

The relationship is coming to an end.

However my friend’s partner is now claiming they may have dementia. Friend does not believe this is true. There are no signs or symptoms that have been noticed by friend. It has come out of the blue.

Has anyone experienced this before?

Thanks

OP posts:
Tumbleweed24 · 14/02/2026 18:28

You've got a different female name on one of your posts @justhowdoyouknow just incase you're trying to protect an identity.

category12 · 14/02/2026 18:30

justhowdoyouknow · 14/02/2026 18:23

@category12 I think her age is playing a massive part in this.

I think the marriage is over and with or without the dementia how do you even get over the fact that someone you love would make that up.

Did your ex claim he made a suicide attempt because you split or to try and stop you from splitting up?

To try and stop the split. It worked for a while.

10minutes · 14/02/2026 18:32

ShesGotAPlan · 14/02/2026 17:44

It doesn’t matter whether he has dementia or not, she doesn’t want to be with him. No need for drama, there are no kids involved so it’s easy to end the relationship and never see him again. I don’t really understand the issue. Obviously he’s an arse if he’s lying to try to manipulate, but she can just not let herself be drawn in and leave abc it’s done with.

Yes, this. It sounds like she’s looking for an excuse not to leave or being an attention seeker, because she’s giving thought to this dementia thing. If it’s over, it’s over and there is no need for hand wringing if she’s serious about ending it.

Original poster
justhowdoyouknow · 14/02/2026 18:33

Thank you @Tumbleweed24 I can’t edit it but IRL my friend is not called Sally or Jane!

OP posts:
Original poster
justhowdoyouknow · 14/02/2026 18:35

10minutes · 14/02/2026 18:32

Yes, this. It sounds like she’s looking for an excuse not to leave or being an attention seeker, because she’s giving thought to this dementia thing. If it’s over, it’s over and there is no need for hand wringing if she’s serious about ending it.

Show quote history

It really isn’t attention seeking. Sally has suffered herself mentally due to other situations and she’s asking me as a friend incase her own state of mind is clouding her judgement.

OP posts:
Original poster
justhowdoyouknow · 14/02/2026 18:43

@10minutes If one of your friends came to you with a problem would you think they were attention seeking?

Genuinely interested in your opinion on this as when I meet with other friends, we do share problems of different scales with each other sometimes and I always just thought it was to get opinions/advice not to get attention?

OP posts:
10minutes · 14/02/2026 18:51

My friends have talked to me about their relationships and whether they should end it as friends do, but once they’ve decided, they don’t and wouldn’t hand wring. One of my friends husbands did actually start saying he had a condition when she started saying she wanted to split, but it didn’t change anything and didn’t matter. The relationship hadn’t been working for a while, she wasn’t happy, so an illness didn’t change her plans. He was trying to manipulate her but she just didn’t let that happen. It wasn’t her problem anymore.

Original poster
justhowdoyouknow · 14/02/2026 18:54

10minutes · 14/02/2026 18:51

My friends have talked to me about their relationships and whether they should end it as friends do, but once they’ve decided, they don’t and wouldn’t hand wring. One of my friends husbands did actually start saying he had a condition when she started saying she wanted to split, but it didn’t change anything and didn’t matter. The relationship hadn’t been working for a while, she wasn’t happy, so an illness didn’t change her plans. He was trying to manipulate her but she just didn’t let that happen. It wasn’t her problem anymore.

Thank you, for your reply.

I think she in emotional turmoil and just can’t leave. She has sought legal advice and they have said not to leave the family home first.

I disagree with this as I think it’s mixed messages and allowing John the ability to manipulate etc but I’m not an expert and haven’t experienced this myself.

OP posts:
LucyLoo1972 · 15/02/2026 03:43

justhowdoyouknow · 14/02/2026 17:13

There has been a fallout within the wider family and Sally and John have opposing views.

John thinks he is right Sally thinks he is wrong.

Show quote history

this seems like soemthing that they should be able to overcome together

Dgll · 15/02/2026 04:20

It is pretty common for people to lie about illness for lots of reasons. However, some people do suspect they might be getting dementia. Not quite sure why it matters.

It takes a lot to leave a marriage. Sally/Jane may well stay regardless of whether John is trying to manipulate her. I would just be a sounding board.

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