Putting this here as would love a good rant to strangers on the internet 😂 get the popcorn ready.
Me and my partner want to get married after 6 years together- we own our house, and have a daughter. We moved in together after 3 months, so it shouldn’t be a surprise to anyone that we’re getting married. We aren’t ’engaged’ in traditional sense ie no big proposal, but we’ve been talking about it for 3 years and now feels right.
We are wanting to start ttc certainly by end of this year latest, we discussed timings and my partner in particular wants to get married before a second child, so we’re wanting to move relatively quickly in next few months.
We told his family, and his sister got really upset. She said it was such a shock (it really shouldn’t be), and then told us she wanted to go travelling this year and gave us literally 1 week in August when she’s free. Why she can’t come back is beyond me but she started getting confrontational when we asked.
His mum went to defend her daughter, which I kind of get, but then accused us of planning a wedding knowing his sister couldn’t be there and said how awful we are for considering it…. We literally didn’t know until that day.
Since then, his sister has rang him saying ‘are you sure this is what you want as it doesn’t seem it is’. Charming. It’s made us both really angry with her for saying such a hurtful comment.
His mum has also messaged since saying she’s happy for us (although done nothing to show that) and was going to offer financial support and wanted to be involved in some way, but we have now ‘taken the shine off it’ so she doesn’t want to talk about it.
I keep asking my partner to speak to them but he’s too annoyed. So it’s all going well…
So basically do we have our wedding during that 1 week in August, even though it only gives us less than 6 months, other friends/family may be on holiday so unable to attend, and it’s more expensive. Or, do we go for later in the year at a non peak time where we assume more people can come, but his sister may not- and if that’s the case we may never hear the end of it.
Secondly, I think I’ve made my mind up not to accept money from his parents if they are playing games with it. I don’t want it to come with strings. But then it’s very unfair on my mum to be paying when he has a much bigger family, so do I accept but run the risk it’s held over us?rel
It seems to be a complete lose lose situation which is such a horrible position to be in as it’s not the wedding I envisioned where my in laws can’t even be happy for us.
i’m almost at a point where I'm thinking let’s not bother, but I know that’s not what my partner wants and the only witnesses I’d want if we eloped would be my mum and sister which his family would see as unforgivable, so that’s not an option.