10 years ago I left a long-term relationship. There was a lot of codependency. My ex partner didn't have much drive, worked minimum wage jobs, barely applied for anything, gave teacher training a go (and quit), and on top of all that lied constantly - sometimes about small things, sometimes huge things. I also suspect he may have cheated on me, but I was never able to prove it, so I don't know for sure. His family were also cruel towards me, and he never did anything about it. Written down I know it sounds like a bad relationship, and I was right to leave - but obviously he had lots of amazing qualities and for the first 5 years or so, we were madly in love. I thought I'd be with him forever.
But as we matured I just didn't feel like we were growing together. He was terrible with money (I had to control his bank account, and I could never rely on him to pay the rent or bills as he'd just forget). I kept developing crushes on other guys, which i always repressed. Then one day a coworker caught my attention and I ended up having a really, really intense crush. So I decided to call it a day and end the relationship - I took it as a sign that things just weren't working.
A few months later, I confessed my feelings to the guy at work, who, it turns out, wasnt interested at all. I have dated since, but I just haven't clicked with anyone or felt that same kind of spark. My ex partner, on the other hand, met someone a few months after we split. He's since got married and had a baby, while I seem to be on this endless soul-destroying carousel of dates that go nowhere. Sometimes I can't help but think that I should have stuck it out with him.
I'm 38 now, about to turn 39 and I just feel like life has been so unfair. I thought i was doing the right thing leaving. Does anyone have any advice if they've been through something similar? Was i foolish to leave? I know that nobody is perfect. I don't expect a guy to be perfect. I just want someone who has their shit together, cares about their career, and doesn't lie all the time.