An effective 'punchline'

[Tinytimmy123]

I am retired but have a sideline as an invigilator in a local school. Its very rural and suits me very well. Unfortunately one of the people I work with, who is about 20 years younger than me, can be very abrupt and condescending with her attitude and remarks. Its like she is nice one minute then when you let your guard down she is unnecessarily rude.

So basically im looking for some good 'short and sweet' responses to put this to an end. I don't want a stand up row or anything just subtle but effective punch lines that others have found effective in how to deal with this kind of behaviour.

Im probably just not good at confronting people. My mum was great at this kind of thing in a very nice way, she would say things like...'im sure you didnt mean to sound so sharp but...' which would bring the person up short without being overly confrontational. Wish I'd written them down. 😔

She’s a peer rather than senior to you?

Yep peer.

And she’s telling you why to do? Or criticising you?

Pause
Ask her to repeat what she said

If she does repeat it , ask her what she means

People snark when they need a dopamine hit for their low self esteem
When you slow things down, you deny her the hit

Biting back is what she wants, an emotional reaction
Deny her that

I'm really not sure it's a good idea because if you can't think of these things naturally (and not everyone can), then she may come back with something and you'll be stuck again for another 'punchline'.

You're far better off pointing out when she's being abrupt or condescending and taking it from there.

Plus some mind-numbingly boring fucker is bound to suggest you come back with "Did you mean to be so rude?" 🙄🤭

Criticising...'Aren't you going to...' ...I might just be doing it differently or maybe not as quickly as her???

Im beginning to overanalyse what I do ..
how I do things...and think about asking not to work on the days she works ...because I feel.uncomfortable around her...its like she is critiquing me.

Its the lulling you into a false sense of security and then its boom. I probably need to put myself in the right head space to not feel the need to respond at all and just do what I have to do, just dont explain.

I couldn't think of a word earlier to explain her behaviour...its just come to me...snarky.

Its awkward because it is such a part time job. If I had to face it more regularly I could adjust i suppose.

I had a colleague from a previous job who used to goad all of her staff, it was me for a few months and then someone else for a few months and so on. It was interesting because you could see it so clearly as an observer of someone else's plight, than when you were on the receiving end of it and how best to deal with it.

Pull back, dont talk to her unless you need to

Zero friendliness, just professional
Then practice the repeat, pause,clarify script

Also avoid JADE

Justify
Argue
Defend
Explain

Her Arent you going to ....
You..No or silence

This is good advice. I tend to try to be nice to people from the outset when being a little more stand offish would probably be better. I did this with said ex boss and she was at a loss how to deal with me. Good morning, good night, anyone want a cup of tea, work stuff and NOTHING ELSE. Really flumoxed her.

This is spot on. Lose the need to explain. JADE it is.

Thanks everyone for the feedback. Makes me feel more confident in managing this situation.

Could she have skills that would help you in your job? Suggesting something to a peer isn’t snarky or a jibe. The fact that you’re asking for help in things to say back to her makes it sound like maybe it could be good to listen to her and hear her out?

Also to add, I’m not sure what being younger than you has to do with it? Do you feel a younger person shouldn’t be able to offer an opinion? Or couldn’t have anything to teach you? Because I find that being open minded is the best way to improve your skills.

@Runningtowards , age can have something to do with it.
I've been in positions where fairly recent graduates don't know enough to know that they don't know something and it was obvious that my skill levels were much higher than theirs.

Not boasting but I was hired for my skills and experience and the younger person did not have the specialist knowledge.

Also, I can remember being that age and thinking that people over 50 were ancient.

As the op is retired I was assuming she was over 65. Which would make the 20yrs younger colleague a fully fledged and able adult in the workplace!

As an example ... at the end of an exam I collected some papers and was dropping them onto the front table before I went to open the exit door to allow the students out ...row by row quietly and in an orderly fashion as there were other students still in the hall doing exams. The door is very heavy and if allowed to close will bang loudly...so I usually control the door and the students exit by holding the door and telling each row when they can leave, rather than them all rushing out at once. At the outset of the exam ive pre warned them of this and it works a treat. So on this occasion I collect the papers walk to the desk to leave the exam papers down before I turn toward the door, but, before i have even put the papers down she snorts and laughs at me and says ...'aren't you going to let them leave the hall then?' ...Snarky. This maybe doesnt seem like much in isolation, and in ordinary circumstances I probably wouldnt pay much heed, but it really isnt in isolation and the intonation in her voice suggests she doesnt mean it in a constructive way either.

Some people retire early. Ageism is rife in workplaces.

Ok. Maybe the op retired at 40 and the colleague is 20. Sure thing!

She's a sniper.

I find a death stare works a treat in situations like this.

That is highly unlikely, but they could be 60 and 40.

Ok. But then she’s not ‘a grad’ that ‘doesn’t know much’ as per your original post. I’m confused as to your point here to be honest.

To the exam example I would reply clearly and confidently “yes Anne I will, but I’ll be doing it as I said I would at the start of the exam” look her directly in the eye as you say it and don’t look away. Make her look away first.

she wants you to falter and explain yourself to her. Don’t fall into that trap

@Runningtowards , I gave an example of a situation where age might matter and where I was approximately 20 years younger than me.

You posted I’m not sure what being younger than you has to do with it? and I replied.

If you find my posts too difficult to understand, ignore them. I'll be ignoring yours.