I have a scattered friends group. Never really had a big gang on friends in school, there were pairs of people who would be best friends and hang out in bigger groups, but never big girl groups of friends. My best friend from the age of about 11-21 was very overconfident, outspoken and overall to be honest, wasn't a nice person. I can be direct when necessary, not catty or pulling people apart behind their back, but truthful and straight to the point if it is called for. I found when I started to bite back the friendship dissolved.
I'm now in my 30s, with longstanding relationships. I'm quite a bubbly person and will speak to anyone. I love being around people and encourage my children to be sociable too. I'm the kind of person people come to if they have a problem however, I've noticed the same curtsy isn't repaid. I have learned to be less available over time. More so in the past couple of years, especially after being severely ill last year and people calling me to talk about new puppies, Tinder and asking for tips for job interviews. I was actually in hospital at this point and for the 10 days that followed. Nobody actually took onboard how ill I actually was, despite me saying this and communicating it to them.
I see so many people with fantastic friendships groups, who have girls trips away or girls nights. They make time to be friends and do fun things. My friends are always too busy or never really want to do anything except maybe a night on the town every 8 months. I always reach out and suggest things to do, we are all financially secure but I never suggest anything ridiculously expensive. I suggested a girls night at mine before Christmas; I'd get some party food, we could wear Christmas jumpers or pjs, watch a film and make some cocktails, not placing any cost onto anyone but nobody fancied it. I suggested a themed evening event that I know they like, only one other person was up for it. This isn't all the time but every couple of months I'll see something and think xyz would like that, but it's usually a no.
A couple of years ago, my best friends husband got into great financial difficulties and she was really ill over it. Most weekends she was around mine with her DD, I'd cook for them, they would stay here most of the day. I rearranged plans a couple of times, in order to facilitate them. Once he was back on his feet, I didn't see or hear off her for 7 months. There's been so many times she has ran me down and been quite mean to me to be honest, but I put this down to her having a hard time and lashing out. I did end up throwing something back in her face eventually because I got sick of being supportive and being treated like an idiot.
My other friend got divorced and I was there for her. We'd go out for lunch, would spend hours on the phone supporting her, but as soon as she started talking to an old friend group again, I was no longer invited or good enough. She arranged a holiday away for her birthday and I only found out about it because her mum asked if I was going. I politely declined, as I felt really embarrassed at this point. She did then extend the offer but I didn't take her up on it. We made plans for my birthday last year and she cancelled saying it was too cold however, the next week she was hiking with her new partner in the snow.
I would really love to meet happy, welcoming women who are girls girls and support one another. Who have a healthy relationship with themselves and don't project issues onto others. I'm single (as I've had thrown in my face and the p*ss taken out of me about it repeatedly by a particular person), and would love to spend my free time making good connections. I've recently joined a book club in the hope to connect with likeminded people, but all this has really knocked my confidence and caused self doubt.
I completely understand we all have our own things going on in life, I too lead a busy life however, I'd make time for others gladly. How can I make healthier friendships at my old age, or meet new people? I'm not a very loud person, despite being chatty and I do worry this makes people think I'm unfriendly until they get to know me, at the same time though, I don't want to act like I'm someone I'm not. I think I'm at an age where I don't want to hold space for people who are mean, unkind or unsupportive. I do find whenever I bite back, people hold it against me and I'm the bad guy. I'd love to find people who are supportive and self aware.
Thank you for your help.