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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

My daughters boyfriend

8 replies

Daisydaisydaisy1 · 13/02/2026 08:45

My daughter is 21 and has a boyfriend who she has been with for about a year. He is lovely and she appears very happy. He lives about 40 minutes away so he traveled back and forth to see her a lot at the beginning. He has been staying overnight at our house for a few months now. He would come to ours, shower and eat tea with us. They would also go out and buy their own bits to cook. This became more often.
I didn’t mind until recently. He lives with his mother who he pays 200 a month. She lives with her partner and his son. His mother has left her job and fallen out with her partner so went to stay with her parents for a few weeks. She called my daughters boyfriend and asked for rent money and asked for an extra 100 as she was in her over draft.
It’s absolutely none of my business and it would not bother me but he stayed at ours for the whole week she had first left her partner (apparently she’s going back).
Anyway, he stays from the Wednesday to Sunday. All bills have gone up and I know it’s not going to make a huge difference, I suppose it’s the principle.
I have been a single parent for many years and I went back to study to become a nurse because I knew, I’d never afford to live otherwise. It was the hardest thing I have ever done with 3 children. Their dad is absent and I don’t have a supportive family so had to work and pay childcare along side study. It was so hard financially but 4 years ago, I was able to buy on my own after 10 years if struggle, financially and physically. I won’t bore you with what I have had to manage personally over that time but it was hard. I still have only one wage and still paying off some debt, but I can pay my bills. I have worked really hard at work to become more senior and this year we are actually going on holiday.
He's a lovely boy and I feel a bit sorry for him.
I’m posting because if this was a boyfriend of mine, I wouldn’t allow it. I was wondering what your thoughts are?

OP posts:
Lennonjingles · 13/02/2026 09:20

What exactly wouldn’t you allow. £200 rent isn’t very much at all, £50 per week, even if he’s not there everyday, bills still have to be paid.

ErlingHaalandsManBun · 13/02/2026 09:31

Was the extra £100 a one off payment because she needed it or now a regular thing?

Does he work full time and earn fairly well? Does he seem to have an issue with the extra money?

I think some context is needed to be able to make a better judgement on whether its unreasonable for her to ask this of him or not.

Grumpynan · 13/02/2026 09:32

does your daughter pay rent. My DD pays 250 a month and sometimes her boyfriend stays over for the weekend and that’s fine. But he started to stay over more, would arrive Saturday and go Sunday then would stay Sunday and leave for work Monday morning then would stay Monday etc until he was only going home one or two nights a week. I told my DD I wasn’t happy don’t want to share my house like that could see he was pushing to move in full time, and as for the bills they went through the roof with all the food he eat and the showers etc. so I said from the following month her rent would go up to 700.

they hit the roof, but I explained that 250 doesn’t cover her costs but as she is my daughter I’m more than happy to support her with a token 250 a month. But he’s not my son so would have to pay for himself.

it caused upset to start with, and he has stopped staying more than 1 night a week.

you need to think about the fact that he could well move in full time, do you want that, and how much you would charge if he did.

FlowerFairyDaisy · 13/02/2026 09:39

I think the 2 things are separate and I wouldn't get involved in his relationship with his mum and the rights and wrongs of her asking him for rent (wrong, in my opinion but none of our business, she's clearly struggling at the moment).

Both my son's girlfriends stay at my house quite a lot. They buy they own food and often cook for everyone in the house (so that's great, I don't have to cook every night!).

If you need a bit of money from him for bills then I would just be open and approach the subject initially with your daughter. Maybe ask her to see if he can afford to contribute something towards the utility bills if you need it.

Catza · 13/02/2026 09:57

I'm not exactly sure what you are asking. If he stays in your house a lot, it is reasonable to ask him or your daughter to contribute to the bills. His arrangements with his mother are irrelevant.

wishfulthinking25 · 13/02/2026 10:01

I’m confused, do you think he should be paying you the £200 instead of his mum? Or are you shocked she charges him rent?

AuntiePat21 · 13/02/2026 10:46

Wednesday to Sunday? He’s moved in. I would not be happy at all. It’s not your responsibility to subsidise an adult man:

Speak to your daughter and tell her you don’t want to live with her boyfriend so he can only stay certain nights. Personally I would only allow one or two. Do not make it about money because it’s not. It’s about the fact he has effectively moved into your home without any discussion and your daughter has allowed it.

If you make it about money he will offer token rent and move in properly. Or would you prefer for him to move in properly and pay rent?

I am unsure why you feel sorry for an adult man who is gradually moving into your house by stealth and financially exploiting you. It’s a red flag in my opinion.

ilbehonest · 13/02/2026 10:53

I think op is saying he's using her home more frequently than his own mother's home and is paying his own mother upkeep and not to her? I think it would depend on wether your daughter contributed and what she contributes and then take it from there.
if she pays towards living with you maybe suggest he pays a propionate amount if he's there that often. if she isn't paying I don't think you can expect him too imho.

You could maybe suggest he move in and they both contribute if you don't mind him being there?

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