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Original poster

Red flag or is it me?

12 replies

keenrunner · 12/02/2026 18:27

Been speaking to someone from OLD for just over a week. He is quite keen on voice notes and chatting on the phone which I never tend to do with people I haven't met. I ended up chatting to him on the phone 2 nights last weekend after I'd had a wine or two. We got along well and planned to meet up this weekend. Since then he called me out of the blue just to chat 2 other nights during the week and I just found this a bit much. Maybe I've made it seem ok even though I did say a lot that this was not my usual to be comfortable phoning before meeting. I just found it a bit intrusive and like I have to explain why I didn't pick up or phone back, feels like a bit much too soon or potential love bombing? I haven't replied much this week and unsure whether to meet this weekend. Is it just me who would be put off by this?

OP posts:
Carlou · 12/02/2026 18:52

sounds a little desperate on his part. Maybe leave it a couple of weeks to meet up..and message/answer phone a little less. Check it out first

CheddarCheeseAndCrispSandwich · 12/02/2026 18:57

Oh god I’d HATE this! I don’t mind at all chatting on the phone (I prefer it to endless/mindless messaging!) BUT…I do think there needs to be boundaries!

Someone I’ve never met, and have no investment in, does NOT meet my ‘lovely long chat’ criteria I’m afraid! This is overstepping massively and would actually piss me right off! 🥴

Original poster
keenrunner · 12/02/2026 18:58

CheddarCheeseAndCrispSandwich · 12/02/2026 18:57

Oh god I’d HATE this! I don’t mind at all chatting on the phone (I prefer it to endless/mindless messaging!) BUT…I do think there needs to be boundaries!

Someone I’ve never met, and have no investment in, does NOT meet my ‘lovely long chat’ criteria I’m afraid! This is overstepping massively and would actually piss me right off! 🥴

Thank you this is exactly how I feel!! It's put me right off as I feel I did try to communicate those boundaries too

OP posts:
DatingDinosaur · 12/02/2026 19:05

Think you've nailed it on the head with "too much too soon" - for YOU.

It might be that he's just a chatty type or it might be that he's keen to meet you and doesn't want things to go off the boil.

He might have been dumped in the past for not making an effort so over compensating now. Who knows?

I wouldn't call it love bombing unless his messages are giving 'darling, sweetheart, can't wait to settle down and have babies with you, when are we getting married, moving in, come meet my family' vibes.

Whatever it is, his communication style and frequency isn't suiting you so it's up to you really to decide whether it would do your head in longer term if this is what he's like. You never know, maybe he'd tone it down after a while...

... so long as you're not posting on here in a few months saying 'has he gone off me? he used to call/message every day but now it's once a week' Grin

Original poster
keenrunner · 12/02/2026 19:25

DatingDinosaur · 12/02/2026 19:05

Think you've nailed it on the head with "too much too soon" - for YOU.

It might be that he's just a chatty type or it might be that he's keen to meet you and doesn't want things to go off the boil.

He might have been dumped in the past for not making an effort so over compensating now. Who knows?

I wouldn't call it love bombing unless his messages are giving 'darling, sweetheart, can't wait to settle down and have babies with you, when are we getting married, moving in, come meet my family' vibes.

Whatever it is, his communication style and frequency isn't suiting you so it's up to you really to decide whether it would do your head in longer term if this is what he's like. You never know, maybe he'd tone it down after a while...

... so long as you're not posting on here in a few months saying 'has he gone off me? he used to call/message every day but now it's once a week' Grin

I think you are right, it's probably just too much for me at this stage! Love bombing was probably a bit strong a term. I am chuckling at your last point as I know what you mean, they can't win I guess 😂i just find the intensity without having had a few dates a bit much I think.

OP posts:
Gonnagetgoingreturnsagain · 12/02/2026 19:27

I wouldn’t like this either. Does this put you off meeting him?

I once had someone call me just before I was going into work and I didn’t like his voice.

Zanatdy · 12/02/2026 19:30

I think 4 calls is excessive, but many men you can’t even get them to reply to a message! Why can’t there be an in between? I’d meet him, and then see how you feel.

AltitudeCheck · 12/02/2026 20:53

It'd be too much for me too! I'd be interested to see how he reacts if you don't pick up his call, does he grill you on why? What about if you say you can't talk as you are going out? Is he reactive to that?

If there's no concerns about that then I'd meet up f2f and see if there's enough attraction in real life to then have a conversation about how much communication you are each wanting.

smallsilvercloud · 12/02/2026 21:12

It’s too much, he’s not your bf just a potential date, it’s very intrusive to want too much of your time. I think if communication styles don’t match then it a sign it’s not going to work out for you.

TwistedWonder · 12/02/2026 21:15

Far too much for someone you’ve never even met. And personally the minute a man sent me a voice note, I’d be unmatching

Original poster
keenrunner · 12/02/2026 21:41

Oh so glad it's not just me feeling uneasy about this! I've not replied all day as he sent a voicenote at lunch (while I was in work) and wanted to phone me tonight so just avoiding and I probably seems like an *hole now 🙈

OP posts:
Seaoftroubles · 12/02/2026 22:45

It's far too much, he's being intrusive and needy considering you haven't even met yet.Too much chatting before you've actually met up is not advisable as you may find you just don't gel in person. If you still want to meet him and this hasn't put you off, just tell him no more calls or voice notes until after you've actually had a date.

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