I have been with my girlfriend for 10 months. I recently met her group of friends (all lesbians) for the first time. One specific friend—who is single—has been acting very intense toward me, and I’m looking for perspective on whether this is a crush or if I’m overthinking the "vibes."
The Behavior:
The Staring: She stares at me. Especially the first meeting. Not just casual glances, but "deer in headlights" eye contact. I’ve caught her watching me across the room and looking at my body when I stand up.
When I was having photos with my gf I could see her staring at me. She was watching my interactions with the photographer too.
Me and my gf kissed and it was caught on video. She was in the background looking at us with a sad look on her face.
The "Spark": We had a deep conversation about a high-profile legal case involving an affair. The eye contact was incredibly intense; I felt a very strong physical/emotional spark in that moment.
Hot & Cold: At our second meeting, she was "cooler" but still tried to engage me. However, when she realized I went out of my way to buy her a drink, she got awkward and went silent.
The "Adorable" Comment: I was being emotionally open. In front of my girlfriend, she moved into my personal space, looked at my mouth, and told me I was "adorable" and a "really good person." She seemed overwhelmed while saying it. She went to touch me but pulled back. She kept insisting she just knew I was good from the moment she met me. I have met her twice and the one on one interactions have been fairly brief.
The Exit: When we left the pub, she watched me go with a totally expressionless, lingering stare.
The Complication: My girlfriend has started "bitching" about this friend lately. When I asked what this friend’s "type" is, my girlfriend admitted, "It's probably you." Apparently, the friend is also singing my praises to her whenever I’m not around.
This woman is apparently known for being quite intense. I haven’t noticed her doing the very intense eye contact with other people though.
I love my girlfriend and even held her hand to create a boundary when the friend was being intense, but the tension is becoming undeniable.
I am newly out and I worry that maybe my gfs friend does not take the relationship that seriously for that reason? I have no experience really with queer dating or flirting other than my gf. So it’s a bit of a minefield. This woman is also 10 years older than me.
Is this friend crossing a line, or is this just "new person" energy? How should I handle this without causing drama in my girlfriend's friend group?
if anyone has any general advice on lesbian dating and friendship dynamics that would be appropriated to. I understand there can be a lot of overlap. I’m feeling quite new to this and like I’m playing catch up! Thanks