Husband doesn’t feel comfortable being intimate with baby in the house

[Hannah2025]

Hi everyone,

I feel a bit embarrassed writing this as I feel like it’s usually the other way round. Anyways, ever since I had my son almost 10 months ago my husband doesn’t seem to initiate intimacy. The only times he has are when we’ve been away from our baby for the night (maybe twice a month when he’s at his nanas house). We have had a rough time with baby’s sleep. He was in a next to me for the first 6 months, I thought when he moved into his own room things would go back to normal in the intimacy department but nope. He hasn’t taken to his own room/crib very well so he’s often been up constantly crying or in bed with me in the spare room. Obviously that’s made things tough.

However, the last couple of weeks he has been sleeping through and we’ve been back in bed together just us 2 at the same time. We haven’t been intimate at all, and tonight the subject came up as I made a move and he seemed apprehensive and said ‘let’s wait until our date night in a few days’. I pulled him up on it and his response was ‘I just feel awkward with him in the house, I feel like he’s right there’. I get it to a degree as I feel kind of similar, he’s still unpredictable with sleep and the thought of him crying out for us during intimacy is a real mood killer. But at the same time, this is life now and will be for the next 18+ years so I feel like we just need to deal with it!

Before we had baby we always had a great sex life (been together 10 years). Even throughout pregnancy we were fine up until around 34w. But now I feel like things have changed and I can’t lie, I do feel rejected. All I hear from other mums is ‘my husband doesn’t leave me alone he’s always on at me for sex’ and mine just isn’t interested at all unless we are in a completely different environment.

Can anyone else relate? I’m really trying to not take it personally.

We have been interrupted a fair few times by my DS over the years but we've figured the best timing to avoid him waking so tend to do it then. Usually the first hour or so after putting him to bed he won't wake and we're unlikely to disturb him. Could you perhaps figure out the time you're least likely to be interrupted?

Well, I think this is quite normal actually. It’s hard to relax and feel in the mood when your brain is half alert for a crying baby. I think you’re doing astonishingly well to be having sex twice a month with a young baby!

Dh and I didn’t have the luxury of family help, no date nights or time alone ever, and we had a co-sleeping baby. I’d say it took about 2 years for things to return to anything approaching normal.

Assuming everything else is okay in your relationship, I think it’s okay for him to say I can’t get in the mood for worrying about the baby, lots of women do. Fwiw, neither Dh nor I could have cared less about sex when the alternative was an extra hour of sleep at that stage!

All I hear from other mums is ‘my husband doesn’t leave me alone he’s always on at me for sex’

I guarantee this is not everyone else's experience, it's just the ones you are hearing.

Have you asked your husband how he would like your sex life to be now, what would make him feel comfortable?

I get the feeling of rejection. my husabnd doest have the excuse of the baby, he just says hes tired all the time.