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Lonely

16 replies

Needsmoresleeep · 10/02/2026 22:29

I have been with my boyfriend for over 10yrs but over time we have grown distant no affection no intimacy I have addressed this numerous times to him at first he was apologetic and said he'd do better but then he slowly fell back into old ways so I try and hug him to be told im not in the mood (its just a hug) or if he does hug me its a half hearted hug like you'd give a friend thats the only way I can describe it he tells me to tidy do this do that when we are meant to be a team I feel like I do everything he does 10% i feel so alone I have no friends so I dont have anyone to talk to we have young kids 12, 8 and 6. If he wants intimacy its on his terms his way when it does happen straight after he will go back to games without giving me any self care he says im best at doing that and I'll leave you to it and will go back to what he was doing before he asked to lie down with me. He also cancelled our wedding said he didnt want to marry me anymore and we were to carry on the way things are. I told him tonight that im lonely I need a hug or affection anything he just pouted and said aww I might give you a hug later I said I wasnt joking i feel alone and neglected here he said your fine gave me another half harted hug and said have you showered i said yes he followed up with for once and then said when you have a minute can you put dishes away so I can do dishes. Any advice please im just slowly loosing my mind here and incredibly lonely.

OP posts:
moderate · 10/02/2026 22:36

He sounds awful. Any reason you don’t LTB?

Neveranynamesleft · 10/02/2026 22:40

First post nails it as usual...

Needsmoresleeep · 10/02/2026 22:41

Honestly it’s complicated. We both don’t have anywhere else to go right now and I’m the main earner. I do care about him, but I’m feeling very stuck and i just dont know what to do its so hard especially with kids

OP posts:
LucyLoo1972 · 10/02/2026 22:45

its really sad and it erodes you over time. my husband does the same thing with hugs

moderate · 10/02/2026 22:51

Needsmoresleeep · 10/02/2026 22:41

Honestly it’s complicated. We both don’t have anywhere else to go right now and I’m the main earner. I do care about him, but I’m feeling very stuck and i just dont know what to do its so hard especially with kids

He doesn't care about you though. Is he bringing anything at all to the relationship?

Needsmoresleeep · 10/02/2026 23:05

Honestly I’m struggling to answer that clearly right now. He can be funny at times and there is history there but emotionally it feels more like a roommate situation now with him

OP posts:
whatawalley · 10/02/2026 23:34

Life is short. Don't put up with it anymore. It's not worth it.

MilanoCortina2026 · 10/02/2026 23:37

Have you posted about this guy before? I can hear bells ring. If you're the main earner you're surely in a stronger position?

Soonenough · 10/02/2026 23:38

If you are the main earner than you might be able to afford to lose the man that doesnt bring much to your life . Any reason why you or he can't move out . It might be scary at first but honestly I don't think you will find it long before you will find being free is far better than being lonely in a relationship.

Needsmoresleeep · 10/02/2026 23:44

I havent posted before I made an account just to post this so im very new here thank you both I honestly never thought of it that way for both of us we dont have anywhere to go and its hard cause although I want to be selfish and put myself first i have to think of my kids as well see thats what im starting to think buts its getting over the fear and the unknown I have never been on my own before ever

OP posts:
suburberphobe · 10/02/2026 23:50

Take it from me OP.

Solo mum with a child is so much better than a ball and chain around your neck with a man who never changes.

ForTipsyFinch · 10/02/2026 23:55

What sort of example for your kids does this relationship provide? There’s no intimacy, he hugs you begrudgingly when you ask, you do 90% of everything, sex is on his terms and he cancelled your wedding because he doesn’t want to marry you. This all sounds absolutely miserable, and children even young ones will be aware of the emotional temperature of their home.

YouBusy · 10/02/2026 23:58

I don't want to upset you, Needsmoresleeep but growing up & finding out that your parents stayed together 'For the kids' but they were unhappy, isn't a nice feeling.

You say that you both have nowhere to stay but hotel? Air b&b? Is the home rented or owned?

I think since you are the higher earner then you are in the stronger position here, so it really isn't your problem where he goes, as he should be the one to leave. He is being cruel to you.

The roommates comment, some couples end up in that situation & they are happy with it, but you aren't happy, & he isn't being nice to you or caring when you tell him how you feel.

Seaoftroubles · 11/02/2026 22:24

OP, he sounds awful, you shouldn't have to live like this. How does he actually enhance your life? You are the main earner so can you stay in your home and ask him to leave? I'm sure you will be OK on your own with the children and and l think you will find you are much much happier without him.

Needsmoresleeep · 08/03/2026 17:55

I have an update I'm planning on leaving him but I really dont know how to go about this any advice please I'm so fed up now.

OP posts:
YouBusy · 30/03/2026 17:23

@Needsmoresleeep How are you doing?

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