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Original poster

Where to begin?

12 replies

PepsiCo · 10/02/2026 21:50

I’m hoping for some perspective from others who’ve been in a similar situation.

I’m a single mum and have been on my own since my children were babies. They’re now teenagers, and they’ve never seen me with a man. Lately I’ve realised I really would like a proper, committed relationship, but I feel quite stuck about how to even begin.

Part of what holds me back is how awkward it feels to date when you have older children. The idea of them knowing I’m dating feels strange and slightly uncomfortable not because I think it’s wrong, but because it’s so new and unfamiliar for all of us. I’m aware this might just be in my own head and obviously I wouldn’t tell them straight away but it’s harder to hide these things from teens.

I’d also really like to know where people actually meet men who are serious and looking for a relationship, particularly as a mum. I’m not interested in anything casual. Online dating feels daunting and my social circle is fairly small.

Sometimes it feels like I’ve missed the boat after being single for so long, even though logically I know that can’t be true. I’d love to hear from other single parents especially those with older children about how they found the confidence to start dating again and where they met someone who wanted something meaningful.

Any experiences or gentle advice would be really appreciated.

OP posts:
Besidemyselfwithworry · 10/02/2026 21:53

My auntie was in the same position and she met her partner at a hobby club she joined. They’ve been together about 7-8 years but they don’t live together.
that could be a good place to start? I’m sure your kids are old enough to understand about companionship etc…

toodleoothen · 10/02/2026 21:54

Sometimes you just have to bite the bullet and do it. I tried online dating, and met a few lovely men. I realize I was lucky. I have been with my DP for nearly five years and he is lovely. My now-teen met him when he was just 8, and they are fast friends. I did a lot of overthinking too but honestly, everything was easier than I thought it would be. Good luck!

LarryStylinson · 10/02/2026 21:57

I actually met my lovely green flag of a partner on tinder. I have resident teenagers and ao does he. We waited 6 months before meeting each others kids and a bit longer before they met each other.
We're a couple of years in and no plans to live together.
I had some lovely thoughtful dates planned by other men but ultimately we just weren't the right match.

LittleJustice · 10/02/2026 21:59

LarryStylinson · 10/02/2026 21:57

I actually met my lovely green flag of a partner on tinder. I have resident teenagers and ao does he. We waited 6 months before meeting each others kids and a bit longer before they met each other.
We're a couple of years in and no plans to live together.
I had some lovely thoughtful dates planned by other men but ultimately we just weren't the right match.

Exactly the same for me. We're both mid 50s and no plans to live together. But having a lot of fun dating so cinema, theatre, gigs, festivals, camping, travel etc. It's been absolutely lovely.

Again met him on Tinder.

Original poster
PepsiCo · 10/02/2026 23:04

Thanks all, it’s good that you have all met someone now. I guess I just worry how my teens would feel as they are use to having me to themselves! In some ways it’s easier to date when they are younger

OP posts:
toodleoothen · 11/02/2026 09:24

PepsiCo · 10/02/2026 23:04

Thanks all, it’s good that you have all met someone now. I guess I just worry how my teens would feel as they are use to having me to themselves! In some ways it’s easier to date when they are younger

How old are your teens? I'm guessing your teens, like other teens, have their own lives and friends, are independent, and will need you less in terms of time. So, you will have more freedom to go out by yourself (without needing to hire babysitters) - which is certainly easier than when they are little. You can also therefore keep your dating life separate for a (long) while. I would in any case, caution you against 'blending' families/homes/finances however lovely the chap is. That is what will cause the most upset with your kids, not having their mother date in her spare time (with little or no impact to their lives).

Original poster
PepsiCo · 11/02/2026 09:50

toodleoothen · 11/02/2026 09:24

How old are your teens? I'm guessing your teens, like other teens, have their own lives and friends, are independent, and will need you less in terms of time. So, you will have more freedom to go out by yourself (without needing to hire babysitters) - which is certainly easier than when they are little. You can also therefore keep your dating life separate for a (long) while. I would in any case, caution you against 'blending' families/homes/finances however lovely the chap is. That is what will cause the most upset with your kids, not having their mother date in her spare time (with little or no impact to their lives).

Show quote history

no my teens barely leave the house! They have friends but they are mostly at school and don’t meet up outside of school. I just meant easier in a way of accepting meeting someone new.

OP posts:
LittleJustice · 11/02/2026 10:07

It is tough with older kids. Mine have said they don't want to meet him and so I have to keep everything separate so that is a problem but they're fine with me dating him outside of the house going on holiday and so on.

So yes that definitely is a consideration but not a reason not to do it. Eventually they will be leaving and setting up their own lives and you will be completely on your own if you haven't made steps towards finding someone for the future.

Original poster
PepsiCo · 11/02/2026 10:44

Yeah I have a feeling my teens won’t be that accepting of me dating but I deserve to find someone

OP posts:
noidea69 · 11/02/2026 10:47

PepsiCo · 11/02/2026 10:44

Yeah I have a feeling my teens won’t be that accepting of me dating but I deserve to find someone

Why not? Bit mean of them isnt it? Surely as teenagers they should have enough maturity to understand you might like to meet someone.

Original poster
PepsiCo · 11/02/2026 10:53

I think they are just use to having me to themselves and wouldn’t like a new man on the scene

OP posts:
LittleJustice · 11/02/2026 11:04

Teenagers and maturity do not seem to go hand in hand always unfortunately.

Apparently our brains do not fully mature until late 20s so yes it's a definite consideration unfortunately.

I think quite often our children's see the mum as support humans in the periphery of their very important main character role. Also think it's important that they learn that we are human beings with our own lives

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