Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Lack of emotional reciprocity, constantly 'ignored'

5 replies

StealthyHealthy · 10/02/2026 20:33

NC as didn't want to be too outing.

Basically, I've been seeing a guy for a few years. Don't live together, no plans to.
We've had some hiccups.

He's very strange when it comes to emotional support: One time I told him a family friend had died, someone who was like an auntie to me for 35years and he just left the message on read and didn't acknowledge it.. Then hours later sent me a video clip or song, like didn't even acknowledge my sad news.

This seems to he a reoccurring theme.. I just don't think he can do emotions/emotional support.

I have health issues and am in chronic pain recently: he asked if I have pain relief, I explained that I don't really want to get into a cycle of depending on constant pain relief but I have methods I can use to ease symptoms.
I wrote a really vulnerable message: I was clearly upset and mentioned the pain bringing me to tears.

Guess what - he read it and again has said nothing at all, not a word.

I just find it really hurtful.
I've come to expect nothing from him emotionally - literally feel like I may as well speak to a brick wall. I won't bother sharing again, because he clearly doesn't care??

I am trying to ask myself what I want or need, and whilst my expectation is just disappointment.. It would be nice I guess to just have someone say 'that sounds painful, hope it eases' or just something kind.

I put so much effort into wishing him well, a good day, curiousity about his day etc and yet he only seems to care if I'm lighthearted fun and "fine".. If I'm not and I admit that, he seems to run a mile.
Is it too much to ask for someone to care about my well-being in the way I care about others?!

OP posts:
toodleoothen · 10/02/2026 22:01

That is hurtful behaviour. He sounds like he has issues with emotional intimacy. Is this a recurring theme across your relationship? If yes, you might need to ask yourself what you are getting out of the relationship?

VaxMerstappen · 10/02/2026 22:12

That sounds really hurtful! Have you ever asked him why he ignores your messages, or explained that you feel that he doesn't care when he doesn't respond to things like that?

If not, I'd at least see whether he's capable of changing after you've made him aware. But if not, well, life's too short to waste time on an emotionally-stunted man. A partner is supposed to help you through bad times, not just be there for the good.

As the saying goes, when someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.

StealthyHealthy · 11/02/2026 21:33

toodleoothen · 10/02/2026 22:01

That is hurtful behaviour. He sounds like he has issues with emotional intimacy. Is this a recurring theme across your relationship? If yes, you might need to ask yourself what you are getting out of the relationship?

There have been issues with what I'd consider rudeness/bad manners previously, which I've pulled him up on.

He definitely has issues with emotional. Intimacy, but so do I to an extent so I'm also trying to learn how to be (a past relationship massively traumatised me and I've had a lot of healing to so, so dating again was very daunting!)

OP posts:
EvenMoreFuriousVexation · 11/02/2026 21:36

It sounds more like you're fuck buddies than partners. Although tbh i expect more support from my FBs!

StealthyHealthy · 11/02/2026 21:36

VaxMerstappen · 10/02/2026 22:12

That sounds really hurtful! Have you ever asked him why he ignores your messages, or explained that you feel that he doesn't care when he doesn't respond to things like that?

If not, I'd at least see whether he's capable of changing after you've made him aware. But if not, well, life's too short to waste time on an emotionally-stunted man. A partner is supposed to help you through bad times, not just be there for the good.

As the saying goes, when someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.

I've never directly said that I feel he doesn't care, no. I guess I don't want to hurt him by suggesting that because in other ways he has been decent (booking a favourite restaurant, flowers etc) so it's certainly not all bad.

But I do think I need to suss out how to gently explain to him that when he says nothing at all, I am upset by it.

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page