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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

So sad for my friend/ separation

5 replies

KingKongRingDingDong · 10/02/2026 19:11

My lovely friend (2 DC under 8) recently found out that her husband was unfaithful. He has left the family home citing that he is "too selfish to stay and take her anger" (yes really).

It was always a line in the sand for her and she is definitely going to initiate divorce proceedings but at the moment she is understandable tied down in the practicalities of bringing up young children alone, working, contacting solicitors, arranging house valuations etc.

She's almost totally on her own, very minimal contact with her own family and his family have totally taken his side (after a long marriage).

He has very cleverly financially abused her and de-skilled her for life over the years so she really is now starting from scratch.

What can I do to help and support her? At my suggestion she has signed up for UC, got herself a bank account (previously just had a joint account) and helped her to get some advice from a solicitor.

She's coping incredibly well (partially fuelled by rage) but I feel so helpless and I want to be able to do something practical.
She doesn't live very close to me so I'm not able to do daily things.

I'm so angry for her, and with him.

Any advice appreciated.

OP posts:
Thistooshallpsss · 10/02/2026 19:15

Make sure she is claiming child benefit if he has been a high earner it’s possible they have never claimed. Also apply for council tax reduction this is separate from UC it is via her council and each council has its own rules her income and savings will be relevant. I’m also wondering about free school meals not sure about the rules for this but worth looking up.

KingKongRingDingDong · 10/02/2026 19:19

Brilliant@ThistooshallpsssI hadn't thought of any of those, thanks!

OP posts:
KingKongRingDingDong · 11/02/2026 18:42

I'm just shamelessly bumping this in case anyone else has any suggestions.
I'm so sad for her.

OP posts:
NET145 · 11/02/2026 19:07

Any chance you can go and visit her, get a babysitter and take her out for a nice meal just to have one night off? Or you could look after the children and she can have a massage or sauna if anything affordable? Just something to take her mind off it all…

Kosenrufugirl · 11/02/2026 19:13

I would say listening is sometimes more important than doing things.

Every now and again send her a message "I am just at the other end of the line ". If she calls, just listen. This can be surprisingly helpful

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