Wondering if anyone has seen their mum's change or just not wanted to engage anymore with them?
I am always asking my mum (Im 50 she is 78) if she wants to go out, or go away as dad never does anything with her unless its on his terms.
When asking if she would like to go to the coast, she says No your dad will take me, he never does and she ends up crying he has made her cry a few times as he pretty much bullied her into something she didnt want to do when travelling.....
When I say to her, lets go shopping, she is on a deadline, its always I need to get back, doesnt matter what time it is, always a 2 hour deadline if that, when we are shopping she is not caring what I want to do now, only what she wants and its become now just not a nice experience and for the first time in pretty much years I dont want to ask her to go shopping anymore.
We use to go out a lot, pretty much weekly, or I would pop up to see her... loved one another's company, we had a huge row 2 years ago where she decided to put my cat down, as she was looking after it, and they were going off on a holiday, the little thing was not well getting older as I was away at the time,she was 15 with a few thyroid issues and she said its best to put her down because you wont be able to cope with her not being well whilst we are away. I wanted to go to the vet to ask for another opinion but my mum had already decided what was best.
We had a row blowup since then and its never really been the same since. I have since reconciled with her and made the effort gone on spa's, taken her shopping, done lots of nice things for her but she has just given up and its now making me get upset after seeing her. I never demand her time as I hardly see her but its always myself and my partner going to see her and my dad. Both really well and fit!
Its now at the stage where myself and my partner just go round and then just leave quite soon. They came to ours for christmas dinner, we cooked, spent ages on it and dad was up and left after 1 hour and 30mins, it was like really?
So now its kind of ok, birthdays are coming up for myself and family so we use to say come with us out for dinner, we always pay, and now I am feeling for the first time in 50 years we dont want them there, as it feels like they just dont want to spend any time with us without admitting it more so my mum which has never been the case.
Mum never instigates to meet, never calls, I live 10 mins away, she goes to see her friends daily/shops all the time and also noticed too her best friend, who has a daughter aged the same as myself, no longer speaks to her, mum says its nice we dont have this, I felt like saying, well at this rate it might happen. Her best friend really wishes her daughter would talk to her and be with her, interestingly my mum never thinks there is a problem as i will always be there probably.
I cant or more like wont be able to talk to her about my feelings she will says things are fine, but it will never change as she says this is how I am and I cant change.
So this might be what I have to accept and just let her go, its like losing my mum, sits quite sad with myself, but realised there is nothing I can do to change her or the situation now.
Anyone the same with their mums? or a mum who makes you feel this way?
thanks for reading.