Been with my husband for almost 14 years, 2 young kids together, we lost our spark and basically turned into mates.
A few weeks ago he turned around and told me his head was a mess, he didn't know if he wanted to be with me anymore. After a few days he agreed we would 'try' as we'd got so much to lose. He told me he still loved me, found me attractive, but something was missing.
I noticed he'd been online on whatsapp sometimes at like 1am, but I checked his phone n there were no messages. He told me he just opens the app. I logged in on his socials and found he'd messaged 2 women related with work (nothing bad, but crosses my boundaries) he got mad that I was questioning the messages to the women and told me it's not healthy for me to be checking his messages and we can't live like this.
Something then told me to check his work phone that night. I went on his work phone and found that he'd been sexting a colleague. I blew up and kicked him out. He told me he'd never met her as she works at a different depot, just works with her over teams etc, it had only been going on 3 weeks, and that he was sorry he ruined everything and he never wanted it to end like this. She knew about me, he confided in our relationship to her saying 'it's alot to lose isn't it, but I'm not fully happy we've got no sex life or affection' and she was like 'If that was me I wouldn't be able to live like that' and would text him telling him how attractive he looked on the teams call. He was also constantly initiating dirty talk with her even when she was texting normal.
I have to see him 4 times a week for our children, when he's not with me he's been shady and lying about where he's been going at times. I'm certain he may have met up with the sexting work colleague one weekend, he completely lied to me about his whereabouts that weekend and happened to be in the peak district that weekend, and she'd posted 'peak district with the girls' on her story the day before I discovered he'd been there. He still hasn't told me what he did that weekend, just questioned me on what I know.
His phone never leaves his pocket either. He's been very shady with his phone ever since. Despite telling me he would delete Social media and WhatsApp if needs be.
I'm absolutely heartbroken, I loved him so much, and the hardest and most confusing part is when he's with me he keeps flirting with me, making sexual comments, trying to touch me etc. Then the next day he can be completely different and neutral and no comments made. When he discovered I took my wedding rings off, he wasn't happy, then he started complimenting my appearance etc. Really nice in person, but then doesn't text or anything when we're apart. It's a complete head fuck tbh. I will be honest it's nice to have the comments etc for my own confidence, and I always say 'well you can't have that anymore you threw it all away'
I don't know how to act or how to deal with anything. I cry every day, its the only thing I think about, I can't eat or sleep properly, I'm an absolute mess. Its been 3 weeks now since I kicked him out. It's like he doesn't want me, but he doesn't want anyone else to have me either. He's not once said he wants me back during all of this. He said last week he'd been flirting with me to see if he gets his feelings back and it had been refreshing the way we had been with each other, as towards the end of our relationship we were just bickering and had no lust or spark.
I really just don't know what to do with myself, I'm a mess. How do I navigate this? Stupidly, I would probably take him back. But he doesn't even want me back.