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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Emotionally abused??

2 replies

Overthinkingchamp · 10/02/2026 10:55

Question is in the title really, how do I know if I am being emotionally abused? We have been together for so long nearly 20 years off and on, definitely a good 16 years fully on and we are married! We have two children but I just don’t like him as a person. He moans constantly, never looks like he enjoys anything we do together, he can plan a bbq for example and then be a completely moody shit whilst we have people round! He calls me crazy, stupid, a lot of names tbh, his behaviour is poor, he gets really angry driving so I just drive everywhere now and even that can be bad with him being mouthy! I just feel like I walk on egg shells around him and never know what to think or feel or do.

And yet somehow I’ve stayed this long and can’t seem to leave… he always pulls me back in! Even upto last night he’s promised to change, said that we’re not in a god place cos I’m boring or to pc for him 🙄

I’ve suffered for years with low moods, anxiety and tbh he’s picked up a lot of the work with things like housework, doing kids lunches etc… practically I can’t complain about him but he has a way of making me feel useless like I’m no good at doing any of this stuff if that makes sense?

My life is pretty miserable but he always has an excuse for his behaviour and somehow I end up feeling like the bad person. I know the kids are not witnessing what a good loving relationship should look like but I feel trapped.

OP posts:
Endofyear · 10/02/2026 13:30

He's angry, moody and calls you nasty names? Yes this is abusive and you should leave. He's not going to change.

LOS2025 · 10/02/2026 21:19

Hi

All the things you have listed are emotionally abusive - I’ve been there and lived through it.

Recommendations to read it helped me start to understand

Books by Lundy Bancroft - Should I Stay or Should I go? He also has some others that are good.

Contact your local women’s aid or domestic violence service and ask them for support from their outreach service - the courses they run can really help you start understanding what is happening in your life.

There are also lots of podcasts you can listen to and people on social media that talk about emotional abuse that have helped me start to realise what I was living with.

Hope this helps x

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