New partner, bad ex

[ByPearlPeer]

I have three children from an abusive relationship, I left four years ago. I still have a semi civil relationship for the sake of my children as I wanted them to have a relationship with their dad & family.

I have a boyfriend, we’ve been together 8 months. He hasn’t met my children, we spend every other weekend together when my children are at their dads. He has always said he is happy to meet my children’s dad when the time comes to meet my kids.

i told my ex I had a boyfriend two months ago. This is only because I needed to swap weekends around after Christmas so I had the same weekends as my boyfriend. He was fine with it, he said he wanted to meet him when it came to him meeting the kids, I agreed.

So my kids went to their dads the weekend, my kids come home and mentioned a female had gave him sweets, I asked who it was and he said dads friend but dad had made him feel uncomfortable because he’d said he fancied said girl. I called my ex and asked what happened, my son is 9 and he was quite embarrassed. He said it was his friend and it was a joke, told me to keep my nose out of his business because I was a bitter ex. I said to him I would prefer him not to bring my children around strangers as he only had them twice a month, if he had a girlfriend that’s no problem but I don’t want him making my son feel uncomfortable around women.

This caused a war, he now says my boyfriend will never meet my kids he won’t allow it, he threatened to beat me up, and my boyfriend. He said he would find out where I lived as he believes now I have my boyfriend living here. (I’ve never told him my new address due to DV) he called me telling me he was reporting me to social services and taking me to court because I’m unhinged and crazy. My new boyfriend is also upset as he says this is not something he can be around in a long term relationship. I’ve tried to reason with him, I told him nothing has changed and he can still meet my boyfriend when it comes to it but he was just messaging me profanity telling me he would find where I live as he has a right to know where my kids live. (I’ve lived in the actual property 5 months now). I just don’t know where I stand, do I have to tell him where I live? What’s your advice?

No you don't have to tell him where you live and if he's threatened you, you need to report him to the police, every single time.

You can't control who he decides to have around when your children are with him so I wouldn't bother asking him not to introduce his 'friend' to your children. He's not going to listen to you, or do what you want. You don't have to introduce your new partner to your ex either. It's up to you when you feel it's the right time to introduce your new partner to your kids and I wouldn't be consulting your abusive ex at all.

As sad as it is you can’t control what goes on at your ex‘s house (within reason) and he can’t control yours. Your BF might not want to put up with this level of crazy from your ex so as PPs stated: police and a non-mol order to protect yourself. Take it to court if needs be and get an enforceable contact order to inoculate yourself against your unhinged ex. Have a chat with your BF about the measures you put into place to protect your peace and see what he says.

Tell him you’re going to contact the police, and do. Your bf may walk away, and who can blame him really as I don’t think anyone would willingly want to get caught up in a situation with an ex after them. You need to reassure him you’re taking it seriously and report it. He may still choose to walk away but not much you can do apart from reassure him you’re reporting etc.

You cannot control who is around your kids and he could move someone in tomorrow. I’d move to a parenting app and only liaise with this man when absolutely necessary. He is clearly incensed that you’re dictating to him and his controlling violent ways have been triggered. Stay well away from him and any conversations.