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Original poster

Relationships Board 22 years ago versus now :-)

23 replies

DexterMorgansmum · 09/02/2026 17:44

I was so depressed and lonely and restless the other night that I started on a whim reading threads on the board from the last pages onward ... 2004ish ...a whole generation ago we might say then? Interesting differences and similarities on a whimsical , partly lighthearted note lol

  1. The women's usernames were like Bond Girls rather than funny ...shout out to Sykes, Spook, Beety etc. if you ladies see this :-)
  2. DH's who suddenly blindsided and left - were still using the same script way back when - and leaving for much younger women rolling my eyes
  3. Women seemed more supportive of OP's wanting cheating husbands back and even waiting months for them to come back. It surprised me I think because we have gone all the way to getting angry and irritable when OPs wait a few days/weeks now sometimes with hope and forgiveness. Mixed feelings on this:-)
  4. Lot more physical and verbal abuser Hs being given another chance as long as they agree to counselling - happy we moved on from this. Unless it still happens as much but the stigma in admitting it has increased !
  5. Lot more calls and emails and face to face meet ups off the relationship board - impractical these days due to majority of posters not being London centric anymore, and internet scams being a known thing?
  6. Mesher arrangements seemed very commonplace with a lot of SAHMs able to continue a similar lifestyle without having to rush out to find a job in the midst of the emotional upheaval. I have a career and earn as much as H always have with only one kid - but I feel for mums with 2-4 who do not get meshers as easily these days.
  7. Women had a lot more control over access - esp. decisions to move out of the country if they wanted to - not sure if it's the legality that has changed as much as mindset of men. Have mixed feelings on their equal right to (a lot more) access these days !
That's the gist of it ! Sorry not sure of the point of this post, but hopefully it was not an utterly boring read!
OP posts:
RockingBeebo · 09/02/2026 18:38

Actually I find that really interesting. I am sure there is a masters thesis in this subject - waiting for someone to start!

Original poster
DexterMorgansmum · 09/02/2026 18:45

LOL okay okay

OP posts:
Original poster
DexterMorgansmum · 09/02/2026 18:49

Wish there were still regular meet ups boards though .....

OP posts:
onemoretimebutnotagain · 09/02/2026 21:47

this deserve to be a massive long thread....what is a mesher?

GoodOnPaper · 09/02/2026 21:50

A Mesher order is a UK court order in divorce proceedings that postpones the sale of the family home. It allows one parent to remain in the home with the children until a "trigger event" occurs, such as the children finishing school, turning 18, or the resident parent remarrying

Piknik · 09/02/2026 22:17

I was on those boards back then. I don't think we talked about coercive control or gaslighting as much as we do now - counselling was definitely preferable to LTB.

I learned a lot from the relationship boards, especially around things like DV and the use of Porn. I remember having my eyes really opened to the realities of the sex industry and this lightbulb moment where I realised it was never 'harmless'.

PullTheBricksDown · 09/02/2026 22:25

Genuinely very interesting. Thanks for sharing @DexterMorgansmum

Someone I know got legal advice about a Mesher order not long before the pandemic, maybe 2018/19. They seem much less common but that may have happened gradually.

Pumpkincatbow · 09/02/2026 23:43

Very interesting!

Climbinghigher · 10/02/2026 00:21

I remember beety & Sykes.

Snappyg666 · 10/02/2026 00:31

A LOT less sniping back then. It was just after the girl power era after all.

HaroldMeaker · 10/02/2026 07:52

My main memory from that era, that men were always twunts. Don’t hear that expression so much anymore. Interesting thread!

BlueEyedBogWitch · 10/02/2026 08:13

Was WhenWillIFeelNormal still running every adultery thread back then?

She didn’t half put some hours in.

Beenwhereyouareagain · 10/02/2026 08:16

In my early days on Mumsnet, I often did the same as you. I'd go to the very last page and read forward. I think it helped me get a sense of daily life in the UK.

You're right, the boards were different. People seemed to know who certain posters were, and of course there were meetups. What is interesting to me are the ways things have changed. Morals, manners, viewpoints, and of course the technology! Yet underneath all of that, there are always similar problems- MILs, cheating, lack of sex, lack of jobs and money, children's behavior issues. They happened then and they happen now, but the way they are dealt with now is often different.

One last thing- some of the usernames were spectacular! Penis Beaker comes to mind 😂

Melarus · 10/02/2026 08:20

Thanks, that's interesting. My memory of 2004 is that there was no vindictive ideology aka "fuck around and find out", but that was because we were all fucking around all the time! But I was young back then.

Did it seem to you that MN posters were nicer to each other in the olden days? People are always complaining that it's nastier now.

Lennonjingles · 10/02/2026 08:30

What I find different now is that people don’t read all that the OPs post. People just reply without knowing the full story and some replies are so repetitive.

Meshers were the norm, a friend of ours has just finalised his when the last of his 3 DC became 18. His ex did really well, whilst he couldn’t afford to buy another house. Also was very common back in the day for family members to rally round and pay off family ex’s to sort things quicker without paying Solicitors fees.

Original poster
DexterMorgansmum · 10/02/2026 11:15

@Lennonjingles , yes it's like life moved slower back then , even in the early 00's, compared to now and people read the whole post :-), we really have got ADHD type attention deficit now with the decades of social media lol......

@Snappyg666 and @Melarus , yes did not see in sniping at all in 2004 haha....and a lot of ' are you okay? can I drive over now with a bottle of wine if that helps....' which we would think was stalking now ...sadly .....

And lol @ penis beaker user name :-)

OP posts:
juliette2010 · 10/02/2026 13:09

oh yes and i remember a poster called anyfucker who posted all the time and always seemed to have good advise.

PineConeOrDogPoo · 11/02/2026 10:59

I have been on here since the 2008 on and off and agree the earlier posters seemed more oriented towards seeing the viewpoint of the person not writing the post and far less likely to suggest separation.

PaperBlueCornflower · 11/02/2026 11:21

❤️AnyFucker❤️

Piknik · 11/02/2026 11:22

Lots of consistent posters on the relationship board back then. SolidGoldBrass always had an alternative view and I enjoyed her insights.

I think the relationship boards are still supportive but less personal now. The thing about not reading all the OP posts drives me mad, but there are so many more mumsnetters now than there used to be. The boards are used differently these days - I think there are people who see the relationships board as 'entertainment' to fill 20 minutes - jump on, read a few OPs, spout and move on.

Historically, people stuck with a post and saw it though offering a more constant level of support and advice. I recall being in a pickle in about 2007 and there were about 10 posters who stuck with me for a good few weeks whilst I sorted myself out.

Hundslappadrifa · 13/02/2026 14:04

I remember WhenWillIFeelNormal. I thought she was great. I think about her sometimes and wonder if she’s still here.
Also remember the horrible little toe rag that hounded her on here 😡

totallyoutnumbered · 13/02/2026 14:10

I used to absolutely loved AnyFucker’s take on most things. So wise and kind. I finally left an abusive marriage in 2015 after starting lurking on other’s posts for a significant amount of years beforehand. It might just be me but I feel there’s quite a toxic vibe on many more threads these days and I spend far less time once I get that feeling

UnemployedNotRetired · 13/02/2026 15:32

From 2008 ... think not that different from more recent times?

Mumsnet Discussions - Am so sad (Relationships)

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