Looking for closure.

[Mum311023]

My ex-boyfriend had messages in his Instagram and Facebook account he never opened these up in front of me he just left them sat there I didn't know who the messages were from I didn't say anything to him because I didn't want to cause any problems.But when left the room to get something he needs those the messages suddenly have disappeared obviously he has opened them and responded when I have asked him why didn't you open them up in front of me he kicks off with me. What do you think? Was he cheating? Was there something he didnt want me to see. I'm just trying to get my head around all of this before I can fully and officially move forward I just want to give myself clarity and to then better myself to never get with anybody like that again he put me through so much trauma it was unreal I am week three into no contact with him.

If he's an ex, the breakup was your closure. The messages don't matter.

Closure is a bit of a myth. There's no definitive end, your feelings can go back and forth and eventually those feelings fade and disappear. If you ruminate or fixate on things like what did those messages say, that process takes longer.

You can give yourself permission to move on. Stop seeing him.

@outerspacepotato yes I guess you are right I just think at the moment with the way my head is I'm overthinking all of these things that happened at the time we were sat together in bed and it said one message in his Instagram now normally he would open his messages up in front of me but it got to apart where he started ignoring those messages and pretending he never saw them I never said anything at the time because I didn't want him to kick off with me then he said he needed to go downstairs and get his cigarettes he took his phone with him then when he got back into the bed the message disappeared I asked him the next day that message that was in your Instagram why didn't you open it up in front of me he said oh it was just my uncle from Scotland if that was the case wouldn't you have just opened that message up in front of me anyway so that was a red flag for me I understand what you said close your is enough for the breakup obviously I am still hurting and I still love him but I think to be cheated on when he promised me that he would never hurt me like he did with his last relationship just makes me think was everything he said to me in the first place just lies

You are looking for meaning where there isn't one. You will never know and you don't need to know. If he was cheating on you, knowing it won't help to "move on". It will just add more uncomfortable emotions (self-doubt, rejection, "I am not enough" feelings) on top of what you are already experiencing. Three weeks is early days and your brain inevitably moves to meaning-making because it is a safer option that taking him off the pedestal for things that you know to be true - disrespect, poor treatment and stepping out of the relationship.

If he cheated in his past relationship, he likely did in yours. Cheaters are liars.

It sounds like you'll be much better off without him.

You won't get closure. I'd bet money on there having been another woman and a man thinking with his dick.

I am still hurting - you need to give it time to get over the 'lost future'. Accept that there were good times then it went wrong.

and I still love him - you love who you thought he was not who he actually was

but I think to be cheated on when he promised me that he would never hurt me like he did with his last relationship Talk is cheap. Actions speak louder than words

just makes me think was everything he said to me in the first place just lies
With hindsight, yes, but he probably meant it at the time.

Thank you I guess wanting closure is the closure of him walking away from me and abusing me. I hate relationships with a passion