Am I the only one?

[TheHonestViper]

Am I the only person staying in a crap relationship because I just cannot financially afford to move out or buy him out of the house?
I'm totally checked out and so is he, but both of our parents gifted us money for our home and it's perfect, right by dd's school and our jobs. I couldn't afford anything around here on my own and I can't change area as my parents help with picking her up and taking her to school for us when I'm working.
I have no tolerance left for him anymore. He is grumpy, uncaring, lazy (around the house but not at his job), refuses to talk about anything, and the only way im managing to live with him is by completely shutting off. I used to be upset but I didn't even feel that anymore. I didn't think he's loved me for at least 4 years.
I keep thinking to myself 6 more years and then dd will be an adult and I can be free, sell the house, take my half and wave him goodbye.
Please tell me I'm not alone in this.

What do you think your DD is learning about married life from this situation?

She actually just thinks her father is a workaholic and a grumpy man. He's always been a bit of a downer but it's worsened as he's got older. He is actually not at home much thankfully as I think this situation would be so much harder, but when he is at home I mostly go out on days out with dd so we aren't around him tbh

I think there are multitudes of couples in the UK in this situation due to the cost of living and housing situation. My marriage has been dead for years. We get on as friends pretty well but I'm desperate for my own space. He's controlling and has no social life of his own which makes things very difficult at times.

My kids are grown now too - one still with us at home but I'm still unable to move out as I'd be so hard up on my single salary. I'd have to get another job on top of my FT one.

I think you have to make a choice on your own sanity OP and your DDs experience at home if their relationship isn't great.

It's amazing talking openly with friends how many of us (maybe is a menopause thing in my friends group?) that are struggling to tolerate their partners but are stuck due to finances 😔

I’m long term single, but tbh I do think this situation is way more common than people think.

Unfortunately I imagine your scenario is EXTREMELY common.

Lots of people are in a similar position, and I think a lot will have less self awareness than you have, OP.

My theory is that a lot of relationships that look like they’ve ended due to an affair are actually already over and co-habiting is continuing due to circumstances like the OP.

No, unfortunately you’re not the only one in this situation. On the contrary, it seems to apply to most marriages. At least the ones I know of. I recognise that it’s only because of financial privilege that I’m lucky enough to be divorced.

No, you are not alone. I have plenty of friends who have reported the same situation for years at meet ups, and slowly but surely are announcing they're leaving as their kids hit mid teens.

You pays your money, and takes your choice. There's no easy out.