Ghosted - should I try to contact him?

[Shimla999]

I met this guy on Tinder in November 2023 and he lived fairly near my town. However, he was about to move to another country, over 2,000 away – a place where his mother was from and where he was born and grew up. Anyway, originally it was just for Christmas and to visit his cousin, but then he bought a house there etc. But I really enjoyed writing to him – his sense of humour made me laugh out loud. I know it’s not advisable to write for a long time without meeting, but I could not travel to where he was.

Anyway, we met in person in July 2024 and I thought he was lovely – better looking in real life than in photos, although it was his personality I was most attracted to. We kept on writing and met again when he had to travel to my country last October. He has been trying to sell his house for months now and said he was planning to come back to my area and buy an old house and do it up.

So, we wrote almost daily for 28 months, fun messages, supportive messages when one of us or our pets was ill, exchanging photos and videos etc. We had our own special language almost. It was lovely and has helped get me through some hard times. However, I do realise that it wasn’t a real ‘relationship’ as we did not spend enough time together in person, and there is a real danger of false intimacy in these kinds of situation. Fast forward to last Wednesday – we exchanged messages as usual – he sent a few photos of a hike and his dog too – and I sent an equally long message a few hours later.

Since then: radio silence. And it hurts a lot. Particularly since I am dealing with a lot of other things right now and really feel very vulnerable. He could well have met someone, or simply be tired of writing. That’s understandable. But why ghost me? It seems so hurtful and he must know that it will bother me.

I just don’t know what to do. Write and ask if he and his dog are OK? Or just try to move on and not write (which is very hard). I know he might not reply even if I do write, of course.

Thanks in advance for any advice on how to deal with this. By the way, I’ve archived the chat and removed the ‘last seen’ from his chat, to avoid me obsessively checking when he is on WhatsApp.

I don't think it's too late to bring it up yet, I'm so over playing things cool in my 40s! I'm not someone who thinks on my feet, and now I go back and clarify when I need to. It works especially well for work.

I would say 'I was curious as to what happened when I didn't hear from you at all for a few days, as we usually message more regularly?' and see what he says.

28 months of texting a man 2,000 miles away? Why?

I once had a connection similar to this with a man from another country. I had just separated from a long marriage, and was so overwhelmed with all the logistics, work, children etc that I didn't have the headspace or energy for a "real" relationship. It felt wonderful to have a guy in my life I could write to, sometimes talk to, who I was very attracted to, and who cared about me - without the pressure and stress of a real relationship!

We both knew there was a deep connection between us, but both had our own reasons for holding back a bit. I ended up falling in love with him. And then the inevitable happened and he met someone else (in his country) and got into a relationship with her. I was totally heartbroken (even though I still didn't feel ready for a proper relationship!)

So I would just gently suggest (as others have done) to maybe clarify in your mind how you see this relationship, what you want from it, and how you will feel if he does eventually move on.