Having absolutely no sex drive.

[Twirlycheek]

And I feel so crap because I love my husband so, so much but I have zero sexual desire. I absolutely find him attractive. I absolutely love him but I am 42 and would be happy to never have sex again.

Theres so much going on in my life. Autistic children. I have AuAdhd, OCD myself. One of my children has an eating disorder and ptsd.
2 of them are under CAMHs. (Both revealed suicidal ideation)

I have under active thyroid, hashimotos disease, chronic skin issues. Anxiety and depression.

I feel like everything is stacked against me thinking about sex, my life is too full of stress.

DH is an absolute star in all of this and my rock. I couldn't navigate it without him.

But I just don't have the desire to have sex. Bed is my haven and as soon as Im there I just want to sleep.

I feel awful because I know he doesn't feel the same and sex is important to him so we do have it once or twice a month but even after 20 years together. He would have sex everyday if I was up for it. He isn't a pest at all but obviously it comes up occasionally because it is an issue and he feels rejected but its not about him.

I just can't get my sex drive back, I really don't know what to do.

How encouraging 🙄
OP has been clear it's not a situation where her DH doesn't pull his weight or runs her down, she loves him and she wants to get her sex drive back so telling her she might as well not bother because her life is so stressful she can't get it back is just...weird
HRT including testosterone can help women regain libido and if a woman wants to, advising her to try it is the most obvious step. You might be content to have no sex drive but not all women are.

It’s not weird, it’s the reality for many women. Maybe it’s weird to suggest it isn’t? It’s fine to suggest things that might help, of course and HRT does help some women but when there are issues like this at play it often isn’t a fix. And that’s okay. I think we’re too focused on trying to “fix” people with low libidos whereas actually for many people having no or low libido is as normal as having a high one (and I’ve actually been on both sides of that).

He does that, constantly with no expectations of anything more but i don't ever feel sexy.
He can't make me feel something that isn't there.

A weekend away is not possible, please reread my circumstances.

No it really is weird to tell a woman who wants a solution that there probably isn't a solution even when a potential solution has been suggested. It's unkind and demoralising. I can only think that you're projecting.
Obviously life stresses impact sex drive - it's not a coincidence that women's sex drive dips in their 40s when not only are we having hormonal drops but also in the most stressful decades of our lives raising kids and caring for older parents but that doesn't mean that there is nothing to try and no hope! Telling a fellow woman not to bother because life sucks and your sex drive is gone for good is weird, cruel and frankly wrong.

I do kind of agree with you, in that if it was just me this affected I wouldn't give a shit at all and I would be happy with a sexless life. The problem is its not just me, it affects someone I love and I want him to be happy too.

Its just such a low priority atm. Even getting help for it. I haven't got the energy to go to the GP for myself and if I did there is probably a list of 5 things I should talk to them about before this.

The lady that mentioned PDA is spot on too.

No, you’re completely wrong. It’s having empathy and saying actually lots of women do feel like this and it’s normal and okay. Having disabilities / health issues and children with sen is a complex dynamic that people just can’t understand unless you live it. My situation is similar - I have rare and complex health issues, long term disabled and a child with severe and complex autism. Dh and I thankfully both feel the same re sex, we enjoy it when it have it but it’s very low down on our list, life circumstances have completely killed off our libido (we’ve been married 16 years). I have been in a previous marriage where I was put under pressure to have sex and I would never put up with that again, I’d rather be single. I think the minute someone says they’ve lost their libido people swarm in to suggest all kinds of things and yes that’s helpful to some degree but it’s the life circumstances themselves which are often the cause and it’s not about people pulling their weight or not, it’s just the weight of the situation itself.

It is difficult, I can understand how you feel about your dh. And yes the PDA aspect is so true too.

From reading the ADHD forums on teddit it seems like the meds cause an increase in libido for lots of men, so perhaps this will also hold for women?

I'm sorry that you're feeling worried about this issue on top of everything else OP.

I found (with fewer external stressors, I might add) that it had a cumulative effect over time. I hope that once you're settled on your new meds that you start to feel at least a little bit better.

Libido and sex is important, I think it’s good you’re researching this

HRT helped me a lot

a tiny smidge of testosterone cream might make a world of difference to you

I would make an appointment with a menopause specialist gp. I recommend Myla health via zoom, google it x

.

Same as you OP.
I've seen a rash of threads like this recently, it's odd.
For me, libido evaporated at 40 (I'm over 50 now).
Tried HRT, didn't work.
I don't have a husband problem either - and my situation is not especially stressful.
I haven't tried testosterone, maybe that is next.

My husband is leaving me. Largely because of my lack of sex drive. I’m not an affectionate person, but his idea of intimacy is feeling me up, which stresses me out as I have no desire for sex.
im heartbroken it’s over.