Been separated for just over a year, getting to the nitty gritty now.
And it’s pretty amicable-ish. We’ll both be ok and get decent lives after. The practical external stuff will all be ok.
But he’s hurt me so much over the years, with his controlling coldness and withdrawing workaholism, his stonewalling stubborn selfishness.
And it’s bringing up my parent’s divorce, which was not amicable and dragged out over literally decades. And those memories are fucking terrifying.
And he knows that and he does like to twist the knife a little about it. Tries to use it to scare me, so he can feel the last grasp of his control over me.
He thought I would back down, that he could push me around.
Called his bluff on that front though and he just folded like a fucking concertina.
I wish he would just fuck off and disappear from my life forever. Like right now.
And yes. I am in therapy and it helps. But just in the middle of night, Saturday into Sunday I just need to say I fucking hate getting divorced.
TBF, not as much as I fucking hated being married to that cunt.