My relationship with my mother has always been rocky. It's success depends on me being silent and submissive.
I was very triggered after my first child. A lot of memories came up that made me look at my childhood in a new light. Because some of the stuff I endured I would never put a child through. And that's not to say it was all bad, but if she accepted any ounce of responsibility or acknowledged my feelings, the bad would be manageable. But she doesn't and I've come to accept she never will. I'm still not in the place to accept she did the best she could.
So, I distanced myself emotionally after some intense therapy but kept the line of communication open so that my child could know their grandmother (mine and my husbands family are small and there are no cousins or close friends with children).
I then lost my second child. After healing I tried again. My mother knows how hard that was for me, she was there as I was miscarrying. And chased for me to try again/a second grandchild. And yet, the other day she was so dismissive of this new baby on the way, that whilst I usually, mentally, put her in a time out, this time I couldn't. So I told her, very politely but firmly, how she came across and to not do that again. This is the first time in over 5 years I've told her how she's made me feel. I gave up because of the treatment that always followed.
And I'm getting it now. The only difference is this time there are grandchildren involved.
I've been put in the "cold shoulder" phase. But whilst I usually shrug it off, this time just feels more hurtful. I have no father, if I have no mother then I'm down to an aunt. No brothers or sisters, and no cousins. It makes me feel very sad, even though I know my relationship with my mum isn't healthy, I don't know if I can face the reality of not having one at all.