Do you find dating stressful?

[MyTealOrca]

If you are currently single do you plan on having another relationship?

I ask the question because i personally don't enjoy dating and find it a waste of time.

You can spends years looking for a relationship and never find one. And i think i don't want that. Life is far too short.

I have had some short term relationships but can't say any of them were with decent men.

I do miss regular sex but i don't miss having to do deal with a man who blows hot and cold and doesn't know what he wants.

On the subject of hot and cold behaviour, is that a sign of someone who is narcissistic?

I don't find dating stressful. It's just two people meeting to see if they get on and have a connection. If you don't you just move on. If you do get on then then discuss the next step.
I'm not looking to get married or live with anyone. I like my space. I like have friends and spending time together. That's it really. I think if you're on the dating scene you have to be nonchalant and thick skinned. I think it's fun and an adventure to be experienced.

It’s certainly frustrating, I’m extremely fussy, I have no time in any that show any signs of being disrespectful, I hate the getting to know you WhatsApp messages that they always turn sexual, little do they know I hate it, I can’t be the only one, yet they never seem to know, until it’s too late because by then I’ve got the ick.

@Mysticguru I would probably enjoy it if i saw it as a way of meeting new people rather than a way of looking for a relationship.

@smallsilvercloud Ah Whatsapp, soon as you swap numbers with prospective dates that is where it all goes wrong.

isn't it true though that until you meet someone you don't know what will happen. I think you have to be open to all possibilities.

Just curious, you say little do they know, do you actually let them know that this bothers you?

I just find it really tedious. The actual dates are usually ok but it’s the process of trying to meet someone to get to the actual dating stage that bores me rigid.
I can’t stand small talk with virtual strangers and going through the same old motions.

That’s probably why I’ve been singje for years 😂

No I don’t find it stressful but I’m pretty resilient. I do get a bit bored of the chat whilst you work out whether you’re compatible but the actual date isn’t an issue.

I have a good life and I’m not desperate to be with anyone. And I don’t just settle, that’s when your life gets worse.

If it’s meant to be then I’ll meet someone, if it isn’t then I’m good with my life as it is. I think you need a take it or leave it approach. Dodgy men smell desperation a mile off and that’s when you get yourself into something where you’re wishing you were single again.

@Brightbluesomething I would say i am resilient but i do get bored of the endless chat that goes nowhere. If it takes a week to try and set up a meet in person then i am not interested.

On the whole i don't need a man so i am not desperate for one.

I’ve been described by previous partners as blowing hot and cold in the early days or in short-term relationships. And I definitely don’t consider myself a narcissist! Nor has anyone ever suggested that I might be. It’s not intentional (maybe some narcissists use this as a control tactic though, where it is intentional). For me, it’s because I panic when I really like someone. I could have an amazing night with them then the next day panic that they don’t like me/are going to end things so I try and protect myself by “going cold”, wait for them to contact me first, maybe seem cold when they do. If I detect the slightest hint they’re losing interest (which might all be in my head) I’ll pull back which probably comes off as cold. Not ideal but it’s definitely not narcissism if that’s the reason behind it

I’ve been described by previous partners as blowing hot and cold in the early days or in short-term relationships. And I definitely don’t consider myself a narcissist! Nor has anyone ever suggested that I might be. It’s not intentional (maybe some narcissists use this as a control tactic though, where it is intentional). For me, it’s because I panic when I really like someone. I could have an amazing night with them then the next day panic that they don’t like me/are going to end things so I try and protect myself by “going cold”, wait for them to contact me first, maybe seem cold when they do. If I detect the slightest hint they’re losing interest (which might all be in my head) I’ll pull back which probably comes off as cold. Not ideal but it’s definitely not narcissism if that’s the reason behind it

@Mysticguru Thats true.

I liked dating. Was great to met people. Some definitely not compatible, others friends and some I dated. It’s just a means to finding out if 2 people click.

the chat before and between dates was too much at times but it was necessary in finding out if we clicked.

I was the one that blew hot and cold. I realised I was easily spooked when I liked someone and could seem disinterested. I confessed to my now DP I am slow burner and just take it slow. he listened and stuck around

@foodlovefood That is just it though you can't tell if there will be chemistry til you meet in person. No amount of texting or chat via whatsapp is going to determine chemistry. Personally for me if we cannot meet within a week or sooner than i know we aren't compatible.

I have chatted to men for months before and then we meet i just don't like them.

I am also someone that could never do long distance. Because i value in person connections.

But that's life, though it would be the same.If you met them in real life or online.

No, it's not a sign of being narcissistic. Narcissistic is a ridiculously overused term. Everybody these days is a narc. True Narcissistic personality disorder is extremely rare. But just because somebody behave like an arse hole everybody immediately labels them a narc.

Somebody blowing hot and cold just means they're not interested and don't really want to be with you. It should be nipped in the bud and ended immediately. Nobody is hot and cold about somebody they really want to be with. It just means they're not interested and keeping you around as you're better than nothing.

I hated dating the constant rejection.The chat that went nowhere people that vanished people that just asked for sex straight away. I have someone fairly decent now.Is it perfect?No, but quite frankly, it's good enough.And I can't be bothered to start dating again.

@AzureRose I mean we all have narcissistic traits to a degree. I even asked my GP if she thought i had a personality disorder when i was going through a tough period of my life and she said "No you don't have a personality disorder and said you have been self diagnosing haven't you?" Anyway yes i do agree NPD is rare.

My fault is giving people too many chances and thinking maybe it will be different this time except it never is.

You are right hot and cold is just someone who is keeping you as an option.

Happy dating!

I don’t see the point of it. I’ve only really been very attracted to about 5/6 people in my life and I knew them all before I became attracted to them. I could see 100 pictures swiping and would be attracted to maybe 2 physically. Those 2 then message and I don’t click. It’s all just pointless.

@Lorad I understand completely. I can see a photo of a nice looking man but if i was to meet him in real life i bet there would be zero chemistry.

Well i would say you have done better than me then! I have only really been super attracted to one man and that was 22 years ago 😂

If they don’t suggest a date and organise something quickly, I just sack it off. I can’t be bothered with endless WhatsApp messages. It’s all the texts I find stressful - the dates I enjoy.

What does this even mean?

Dating apps are like any other consumer market. In this case dating apps are successful because they feed on the desire for humans to be in relationships. So they fulfil a gap. You might as well be shopping on amazon. Sometimes you'll get what you desire sometimes you won't. Sometimes you try it on and send it back. To remain sane, don't take it seriously. And it's better to be comfortable being single and enjoy your life without the desire for a relationship. If one comes along then enjoy it. If it doesn't don't beat your self up about it.

That's true, of in person relationships, though, sometimes it takes a while to realise they're not right.

The worst relationship i've ever had was somebody.I met in real life.

At first, it was dull. Later, I decided to meet people and do something fun rather than have coffee walks. I ignored anyone who was only interested in that and not in a genuine, interesting date. This way, even if there's no connection, I feel like I used my time well, plus it weeded out low effort only wants a shag dates.