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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

MIL turns up (planned) with unexpected guest in tow.

11 replies

MichelleRodriguezxx · 06/02/2026 17:09

There is a history of mother in law actively trying to destroy my marriage. She tried to get me deported from the country, she is overly obsessive over hubby calls him her number one man, used to lean on him for emotional support and protector. Very odd. Has said to my husband it’s my fault he fell out with his sister even when his sister has been verbally insultive to me and him. It’s only now he has set boundaries and stood up to her of course it’s my fault. She has called husbands friends half her age to say she’s concerned and misses her son. She didn’t talk to me at my bridal shower even though I invited her and hugged her on arrival.

anyway she keeps asking to see us and we keep putting it off due to all the hurt - I finally give in to see her. I don’t want to stop a mother seeing a son. Anyway she turns up and two cars pull up on my drive. She brings her brother and doesn’t care to let us know. I can’t help but think this is on purpose. When I said something I hear her say under her breath oh I thought it was a nice surprise didn’t know it was a f’in big deal. I said a couple of times it would have been nice to know because of food can you let us no next time. Is she testing my patience? I can’t help but think she’s going to show up to some event with the sister we aren’t speaking too next ….

OP posts:
sesquipedalian · 06/02/2026 17:16

She sounds like a nightmare. What does DH say about the unexpected arrival of his uncle?

MichelleRodriguezxx · 06/02/2026 17:16

sesquipedalian · 06/02/2026 17:16

She sounds like a nightmare. What does DH say about the unexpected arrival of his uncle?

He also just said it would have been nice to know but I don’t think it bothered him enough to say anything. He said he will mention it but he finds it hard to stand up to her I think.

OP posts:
blacksax · 06/02/2026 17:30

She tried to get you deported? How?

FreshInks · 06/02/2026 17:32

I’m not sure I would even consider a relationship with someone who tried to have me deported.

MichelleRodriguezxx · 06/02/2026 17:36

FreshInks · 06/02/2026 17:32

I’m not sure I would even consider a relationship with someone who tried to have me deported.

I know. I don’t have active proof though. A police man knocked on my door and said I have to ask you a question because of what your husbands mum has said. I asked what she said and he wouldn’t tell me. I said yes I have a visa to be here and he said that’s all I need to know.

OP posts:
Thanksforyourlackofthought · 06/02/2026 17:44

MichelleRodriguezxx · 06/02/2026 17:36

I know. I don’t have active proof though. A police man knocked on my door and said I have to ask you a question because of what your husbands mum has said. I asked what she said and he wouldn’t tell me. I said yes I have a visa to be here and he said that’s all I need to know.

Well surely if the police named her, you do have proof?

Hiptothisjive · 06/02/2026 17:48

Thanksforyourlackofthought · 06/02/2026 17:44

Well surely if the police named her, you do have proof?

Yeah I don’t buy it. The mun would have details of the DIL and a simpler search on the immigration system would say whether there was a visa or not.

Theonlywayicanloveyou · 06/02/2026 17:51

She didn’t try to get you deported, she sent someone to scare you. Police don’t do random house to house calls like that. She’s a scumbag either way.

ginasevern · 06/02/2026 17:54

The unexpected arrival of another close relative wouldn't bother me particularly. The rest of it sounds pretty fucked up though.

7238SM · 06/02/2026 17:55

This is a DH problem! He needs to step up and say no- or he can meet her at a cafe or somewhere neutral.

I had vaguely similar. We were renovating and MIL started 'popping in' unannounced, not only her but bringing randoms. She brought her neighbour we've never met, her friend one time and then people she met at a local fayre! In front of the randoms she'd then say 'Well aren't you going to show them around the house???'

We asked her to check before visiting- we both WFH and can't just drop everything. The last time she did ring to say she'd come 'later'. Fine, but she turned up seconds later with more randoms. DH met her at the car and none of them came in. I'm not sure what he said, but she's never done it since! We now invite her for meals and she lets us know when visiting.

Queenofheart · 06/02/2026 18:02

Why do you have her in your house, tell your DH you want nothing more to do with her and he needs to see her away from your home, cheeky bitch. 🤬

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