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Original poster

What does he want?

17 replies

Heidi3333 · 06/02/2026 14:04

About 5 years ago I went on 2 dates with a guy that ticked all my boxes, I really liked him but he ghosted me. I was pretty miffed but moved on. Then out of the blue a few days ago he followed me on Instagram. I don’t know how he found me as I never told him my surname and we dont have any mutual friends. I followed him back. I looked him up on Facebook and his profile says he’s been in a relationship for about 3 years.

What gives? Why is he reaching out now? I’m tempted to message him but don’t think it’ll be a good idea!

OP posts:
AttilaTheMeerkat · 06/02/2026 14:27

He’s probably fed up with the current gf and is looking for an opportunity to shag someone else. Like you for instance. No good to you will come from contacting him and it was an error of judgment to follow him on instagram. Ask yourself why you did that. Block and delete him.

TwistedWonder · 06/02/2026 14:28

A shag?

Websitetreasure · 06/02/2026 14:44

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Lmnop22 · 06/02/2026 14:50

Please don’t message a man you know is in a relationship with the intention of starting something 😳

Maybe he just saw you and followed you out of curiosity; maybe it was an accident; maybe he wants to cheat on his partner. You want to stay out of any of the drama which is all that will come of any of this

Tillow4ever · 06/02/2026 14:51

The moment I read your title on the “active” page I thought “sex”.

On reading your thread my answer hadn’t changed.

Bubblegum9114 · 06/02/2026 14:56

He’s only followed you - hardly a come on?! Unless there’s more, has he DM’d?

Original poster
Heidi3333 · 06/02/2026 14:58

No he hasn’t Dm’d me. I don’t know how he found me as I never told him my surname and we have no mutual friends.

OP posts:
ComtesseDeSpair · 06/02/2026 15:02

Just unfollow him and forget about it. Whether it was intentional or fat fingers by mistake, he’s basically a stranger with a girlfriend, why do you want to follow him on social media or care why he wants to follow you?

Some guy I had a few dates with years ago made a FB friend request recently. I just assumed he’d been having an idle snoop because I show up as “people you may know” as my number is saved in his phone somewhere and accidentally hit the button. It’s of no interest to me to think any more on it.

ComtesseDeSpair · 06/02/2026 15:05

Heidi3333 · 06/02/2026 14:58

No he hasn’t Dm’d me. I don’t know how he found me as I never told him my surname and we have no mutual friends.

Instagram, like Facebook, uses phone numbers to suggest, or "sync” contacts. You then show up as suggestions in their account.

Sartre · 06/02/2026 15:07

He’ll be bored in his relationship and thinking about past romances to fill the time. You’ll have briefly crossed his mind so he somehow found and followed you. People are weird but I wouldn’t read too much into it.

VimesandhisCardboardBoots · 06/02/2026 15:12

Who says he wants anything? He could well just be one of those people who makes a friend request on everyone who shows up in their People you may know bit

Original poster
Heidi3333 · 06/02/2026 15:23

VimesandhisCardboardBoots · 06/02/2026 15:12

Who says he wants anything? He could well just be one of those people who makes a friend request on everyone who shows up in their People you may know bit

Thanks for this. I rarely use instagram so don’t know how it all works. He never had my phone number though, we just used to chat via the dating app.

OP posts:
Sassylovesbooks · 06/02/2026 16:38

This man has followed you on Instagram and you've followed him back. He's not messaged you. If he contacts you (he may not) then you can unfollow him and block if necessary. You don't have to follow him and you can unfollow him from your friends too.

I wouldn't be contacting him. You had a couple of dates, leave it in the past, especially as he's in a relationship. No good will come from it.

exhaustDAD · 06/02/2026 16:47

Contacting him would be a very poor decision, altogether.. You went on dates, he did not bother or care enough about you when you were both single (presumably, him too...). He disappeared, and by virtue that should be enough to not consider him for anything in the future, but if clearly has a relationship that is a done deal. You don't want to be the one who is the other woman in a potential affair.. Nor would you like to entertain a man who never saw himself with you anyway... No reason to waste your thoughts on him.

RosesAreRedVioletsAreBluee · 06/02/2026 16:52

Why would you message him, how cringe.

Original poster
Heidi3333 · 06/02/2026 20:39

Thanks for the replies. I don’t know why he followed me but I won’t be sending g him a message.

OP posts:
SomeoneCalled · 06/02/2026 23:14

They are usually desperate. I dated two men , one is now my husband. The other said he cannot see the future of any relationship because we lived in different towns, some 1 and 20 min commute.

He was not the most amazing looking guy but to me he was sweet and was intelligent. He clearly liked me.

I very quickly moved in with the other guy who is now my husband. My husband had even longer commute to me than him but made it happen.

The other guy messaged few months later : why we don't catch up. I thought: well ok, because you could not find a single woman in your whole town, so now even for you a commute is fine

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