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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Confusing situation

7 replies

miiilow · 06/02/2026 11:01

My girlfriend broke up with me last week, we are long distance. The thing is, I am confused right now. I planned a trip to come see her upcoming Tuesday for three weeks. And she still wants me to come over, go on dates with her, hold her and kiss her. I don't want to hold on false hope but why would she want it?

I am going to be honest about the situation and not sugar coat my clear mistakes and maybe this is a lot at once but I am desprate for advice. Before we broke up she decided to go through my following. This is normal if you're anxious and insecure, everyone has probably done this. But, she then decides to follow a girl (who has a boyfriend) in my list. Me and her are old friends and don't talk much, especially after dating her. She proceeds to message her, ask her questions about me. Basically interrogating her.

The girl messaged me how she felt uncomfortable and especially because my girlfriend started following her boyfriend at a cartain point. Here is where it goes down. My girlfriend would then call me, and demand me to share my screen. And reveal all my dms. I freaked out and deleted the chat I had with that girl because she messaged me how my girlfriend made her uncomfortable. So I lied by hiding her from her, which was all to avoid trouble and to make her feel anxious. Because there was never something going on between me and her. She called me a cheater and got really upset.

After we stopped talking, my girlfriend would even go as far as messaging the boyfriend of my friend and tell him his girlfriend is cheating. Trying to even cause harm towards their relationship. I personally think this is very wrong thing to do.

The only way to fix this was for me to delete all my socia media apps while she can still use them and do whatever she wants without telling me. And I found it unfair, and agreed regardless because i want to fix it. But after two weeks she saw me use snapchat and from there on she decided to break up. And it is my fault for not telling her, not going through the agreement and telling her I used this app (I barely use it only to see what my real life friends share with me because snapchat is used a lot where I live) I made a huge mistake there and she is fair for wanting to break up with me afterwards. Only, I just think this entire situation could have been handled way better from both parties.

Things are now confusing, we don't call daily anymore and when we do call she hides me from her bestfriend that lives there. Because she don't want her to know. But she does message me daily regardless. Sometimes just a pic of where she is going or a random reel on instagram. She often says how she seems excited for me to come over or that she is nervous. One day she asked me "How many days until you come home?" or message me saying "my dad is upset we broke up" Her dad and I get along great and her siblings like me. But, what does it mean? Why does she message me saying those things.

In my view, if you broke up with me and don't see it getting fixed then why still want me to come over? and being excited about it to meet me. One night I told her I went to bed. And I woke up with a message on instagram saying "I thought you went to bed:( ) following up with (it still says you are active:/) It is a bug that you see someone online when they are not and I wasn't. But, why would it bother her if we are not together anymore. She broke up with me.

I know this is a lot and for anyone reading, thank you for taking your time. I am just really confused and nervous and anxious about this entire situation. And I do not know what to do. Does she want me to come over despite being broken up to try to fix things between us? Or is it just a proper goodbye. Does she still care about me? Does she hates me? Is there still hope or is there nothing I can do? Or will things get better when we meet in real life?

At this moment I am obviously hurt and broken. And I have a long flight ahead of me where I need to focus on and prepare for. And I would like some advise of what I can do or can expect from this trip. Excuse my bad english because it is not my first language and thanks for anyone reading.

OP posts:
Ahsheeit · 06/02/2026 11:09

Run! Block her from everything as she's incredibly controlling and likes to keep you uncertain. This is not a healthy relationship, and she has no right to control your online activities and friendship. You can do better.

baileys6904 · 06/02/2026 11:09

Youre in a toxic controlling relationship.

Run while you can

GreyCarpet · 06/02/2026 11:11

Don't go to visit her and block her.

exhaustDAD · 06/02/2026 11:14

It sounds to me that you are fairly young - Sorry if I guess wrong. This relationship is a non-functioning one, and I think you both would be better off without each other... She also sounds like a massive 'yikes' to me. It is in your best interest to distance yourself from her, being with her will only cause more unnecessary headache and awkward, controlling behaviour. Take a deep breath, and leave the whole thing, do not do the visit. No point. Stalkers and people who don't sense when they harass others is not something anyone needs.

Kayakerpaddleboarder · 06/02/2026 11:16

Why on earth would you seriously want to be with a person like that? Run as fast as you can away from her. She is toxic, stalkerish and a troublemaker with a capital T.

miiilow · 06/02/2026 13:08

@exhaustDAD

We are in in our twenties so we are young. The part what concerns me the most is the fact that she most likely doesn't seem to acknowlegde that she went far there. And I do feel like this trip would only cause more harm than good at this rate. I'm bothered why she could not just ask me and instead involved a third party without my concent.

OP posts:
exhaustDAD · 06/02/2026 13:36

Well, my recommendation to you is the same as I outlined above.. .Not worth the headache, this situation and her troubling behaviour will only ever get worse..

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