Husband won't let me concentrate on anything and is constantly asking me questions.

[Saskiathecat]

My 70 year old retired husband is driving me to distraction.

If I need to concentrate on something on the computer, he is forever asking me something and I forget what I am typing about.

If I make a phone call to someone, he always interferes and tells me what to say.

If I am trying to read or watch a programme he constantly interrupts

But worst of all, when I go into the kitchen, he will carry on talking to me. 99% of the time I can't hear him. This really drives me mad. So I end up going back into the lounge, which stops me from doing what i was doing. Then because I shout at him he says it doesn't matter what he has said !

He has also got a fascination with Tik Tok and instead of showing me videos. He sends ne about 10 a day, and because he thinks they are funny he wants me to watch them there and then! He will go on and on until I have watched them!

I feel quite suffocated to ge honest, and apart from leaving him, not really sure what i can do. Any help would be greatly appreciated.

Thank you.

You have a superannuated toddler I'm afraid, fairly common. Suggest you ignore the pointless attention-seeking interruptions, listen to music or podcasts via headphones and try not to let it bother you. You have my sympathy.

He’s obviously bored! Tell him to get a hobby or volunteer somewhere because he’s doing your head in. Be honest!

Headphones are your friend. I couldn't stand that

Go on the computer, make your phone calls in a different room.
Ignore anything he says that you can’t hear whilst in the kitchen - do NOT return to him to ask what he said.
I think you need strategies to cope with his neediness and learn to ‘tune him out’ a lot more.

im realising how awful my marriage is becasue this would be the tiniest of our problems

This is awful… I would feel so suffocated. He needs hobbies and friends.

Are you both retired?

Find a room in the house which you can put a lock on the door and lock him out when you’re trying to concentrate!

If someone tries to talk to me from another room, I call to them "if you want to talk to me..." I don't even say the second half of the sentence because they know - I've been saying this since the DC were small and I say it in the same sing-song tone each time so even if they can't actually hear me they still know what I'm saying!

I started it because I was fed up going to them and decided it wasn't teaching them good manners. This applies to adults too. Don't reward bad manners.

Ignore him / get angry / lock yourself in the bathroom. He’s behaving like a child.

He’s obviously bored and a bit lonely. Do you spend time actively being together rather than just co-existing?

Maybe you need to talk about it. He clearly wants to spend time with you, you just need to agree how best that happens so it works for both of you, or decide you don’t want to spend time with him and separate.

Just a hunch, but are you either recently retired, or have deferred retirement (ie he was expecting you to retire)?

My dad can be like this, he’s 72. My poor step mum was at her wits end and I remember thinking “oh please don’t divorce him then he's gonna be my problem”. She started giving him projects to do, he’s built a bar in the back garden and made a pond so far. Maybe he needs a hobby? Maybe get something you could do together? Me and DH do jigsaws (I’ve always loved jigsaws but he was reluctant at first, don’t knock them till you’ve tried them).

How old are you?

This would all drive me nuts. XH used to try talking to me from another room but I just ignored him. I recommend you do the same.

If he won’t go out and leave you in peace, can you go out and leave him to it ? He definitely needs some hobbies as PP have said. You are going to have to have some difficult conversations.

Can you just respond in a way that he starts not bothering?

"What time is it?"
"I don't know"

"Are the neighbours away?"
"I don't know"

"Let me show you this TikTok video"
"No"

"Hey, guess what!"
"No"

"Tell her about X"
"Leave me alone"

Can you take yourself out of the house more. Maybe go to a cafe or the library once a week to do your admin. Go for a walk alone to make calls. Ignore when he talks / shouts from the other room. It sounds hideous. Is this new behaviours or a concentration of existing?

I am his carer.

He's always been needy. But as he has got older and his health has declined, he has got far worse!

I am with him all day really as I am his carer. He even calls me when I am in the toilet!

I am 62. I do go out. But he will normally text me and ask how long I will be!

I couldn’t bear him; if you have an option to separate then I would do and live your own life in peace!

This sounds like the onset of dementia. Ask me how I know 😐

I’m having some of this.
think it’s boredom , he retired but most of his friends are still working …

Could you request a carer’s assessment or are you not at that stage? When you leave him alone whilst you go out,could you say your phone will be in your bag and only to message if it’s urgent?
Any family or friends who could help with visiting or a local befriending scheme?

I agree with setting clear boundaries about not talking to you when you are in another room. Sounds like he’s anxious and needs to know you are there, but must be so wearing and suffocating for you.

Have you read about analogue bags? Maybe set one up for him with various puzzle books etc in a canvas bag if that’s something that might occupy him and keep him off his phone. Would he watch old comedy series or dramas?
Hope you find some solutions soon.

The silence is literally deafening when they are not there…