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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Partners family

4 replies

Duiwjankdjen16382 · 05/02/2026 17:56

I'm in 2 minds about leaving my partner because of the stress of his family. Everything besides his family is perfect, he's a great dad, works hard, always been faithful, provides for his family ect
However his family have always been a massive issue for me and how they have treated me over the past 6 years.
My partner has allowed this to happen for 6 years because he wants to keep the peace but cannot see how horrible they have been to me and that really hurts that he's not understanding.
I met my partner at work 6 years ago, there is almost a 10 year age gap. I was 32 and he was 23. As soon as his mum got wind that he had met someone I recieved threatening messages from her on Facebook warning me to stay away and what did a 33 year old want with a 23 year old boy. I ignored the message as I wasn't sure how to respond. An hour later his auntie (mums sister they are very close) also sent me a Facebook message threatening me saying she would come round my house ( I had a 4 year old daughter at the time and single parent from a previous relationship) I decided to ignore them as I wanted to give things a go with my partner, we were both adults.
We then got into a relationship where his mum and family ignored me which was fine by me.
One evening around a year later, me and my partner was on our way out to dinner when his dad called. He was on handsfree and he said to my partner "are you with that slapper"
Fast forward 3 years we moved in together and tried for a baby which happened straight away. He told his mum at christmas, presented her with a vest saying hi nanny in a gift box. She threw it across the room and didn't talk to him all christmas. Fast forward 2 months I received a message from her saying congrats it was just a lot to get her head around. I was civil.
From this moment, his mum, brother, auntie all wanted to be friends cause I was expecting. They started adding me on Facebook and trying to involve me and my daughter.
During my pregnancy I asked my partner if we could not have any visitors at the hospital until we was home and settled. Visitors welcome around day 3. This was because with my first pregnancy, I had so many visitors at the hospital and post partum it was too much, it was very overwhelming and made me feel low, I didn't want to feel like that. He agreed
Fast forward our beautiful baby boy was born, I had a rough birth. My son was born in the 3arly hours 7am by 2pm my partners mum was at the hospital. I was furious with my partner, I still had blood on my legs and hadn't even showered. I was too exhausted and not with it, I hadn't slept for 3 days. I remember her coming and holding our son and not really acknowledging me.
The next day we went home, we got discharged and arrived home 9pm. 10pm his brother called saying he was coming to see the baby. My partner told him no it was late and I am exhausted and the baby was sleeping. He replied I don't care about her (me) I'm coming to see the baby. I put my foot down and said no but received loads of abuse.
Day 7, we went to his nans so they could meet out son, his brother mum auntie and nan where there. It was hot summer day so we sat in the garden. They took my son of my partner and was all posing with the baby and editing the pics and passed him around. They then put pics over social media. Not one of them asked how I was feeling.
His dad is an alcoholic who never liked me since day one and would send my partner messages about how I keep him away from his family ect, just horrible.
His mum now demands to see our son and have him for the day at the drop of a hat, when we say no as we have plans she always says we'll her mum has him all the time (my mum is our childcare one day a week when not at nursery) and then she won't talk to my partner for a week. Its always him that goes running or sends the first message
I'm sick of it. They are poison and I have now got to the stage where I don't want them around my children and I don't want nothing to do with them. I have spoke yo my partmer who says he just wants to please everyone. I wish he would just back me and see what they ate like.
What do I do? Do I leave or do I stay and continue to have them in my life? I dream every christmas birthday Easter ect because of the drama which is really sad as my sons childhood is short and I should be enjoying every single moment.

OP posts:
Endofyear · 05/02/2026 18:43

Why have you posted this again?

Iwontbethere · 05/02/2026 18:57

If you click I'm On or Threads I Started you can find your other threads, people have replied on them.
If your boyfriend is happy to keep allowing the people to behave badly, you'll have to decide if you want to dump him.

Are you financially independent?

wafflesmgee · 05/02/2026 19:04

You should have resolved this issue before having a child together, ie accepted and made peace with it or got him to change his behaviour. expecting him to change now is a little odd. I understand why it’s upsetting for you but the time to put firm boundaries in place was before you had a child together.
id stick it out until you are less sleep deprived and your children are older, then revisit and make a final decision.
in the meantime, have agreed strategies to deal with his family that you both agree on, eg he deals with all communication, no home visits without your consent, etc.
i think it’s fair enough his family want the child in their lives too.

GoldenPearls · 05/02/2026 21:36

you dated this very young man and have seen what the relatives are by their messages on fb. Too late now. You have walked decidedly into a drama and you are against quite few of them. You either be tough or separate but what then? These people will be in your son's life as much his father allows. Unless you migrate out of this country which will be child abduction, what else you can do

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