Has he definitely moved on?

[Lilostitch45]

I split with my long term ex of 15 years about a year and a half ago (my decision). He's been with someone for a year now. I assumed it was a rebound as he met her quite soon after we split but now I'm not sure. I didn't think they would last this long and didn't think he would meet someone so quickly.
I've been thinking about him a lot lately which has taken me by surprise . Would you assume that he has moved on and is over me? We were together a very long time.

Well, do you want him to be? Why does it matter to you? When you left him, you ended your right to have opinions about how he led his sexual/romantic life, surely. Do you think it was the right decision?

I doubt he’s completely over you but I wouldn’t assume he’d be interested in rekindling anything with you either, if that’s what you’re asking.

I think being in another relationship for a year probably means he’s moved on from your relationship, sorry.

Yes it sounds like he has. What was the reason you ended the relationship?

So it was 6 months after you split? I don’t think that’s that fast really. XH was dating someone new within a month. What an amazing coincidence that they both became single within a couple of weeks of each other and then met and got together 🤔 they’re married now
The question is, why do you care? You chose to end it, it’s been 18 months. Yes I think he’s moved on. Have a think about the pattern of why you’re suddenly dwelling on him. Sounds like it was the right decision?

Even if initially it was a 'rebound' it doesn't mean that he hasn't developed full blown feelings for her over this year. We might like to think they will mope around and give the old relationship an appropriate time of mourning 😆 but honestly this might be just days for some men, they move on quickly and often don't look back -maybe we could learn something from this approach......

@Lilostitch45 men usually move on faster .
6 months was an ok time to wait . He helped and met someone knew .
Also sounds like he is a “relationship “ type of guy. After all he was with you for 15 years .

Yes, I would assume he has moved on and I would try to move on yourself.

A year, yeah I’d say so.

Yeah a year is serious, have you not met anyone and now thinking you should not have split?

I'm sure there were good reasons for the split OP. Are you looking back with rose coloured glasses?

Shouldn't matter. Please don't tell me you were sitting and waiting for him to come back after 18 months. Regardless of the future hopes, you should have been spending your time moving your own life forward. So by this stage he'd be irrelevant.
I have an ex who's trying to get me back every six months for the last six years. He was the one who broke up with me all these years ago and, honestly, I couldn't care less about his attempts. Enough time have passed, move on.

If you regretted splitting you should've tried to rekindle it much sooner than this.

At this stage it wouldn't be sensible to try and get back with him. If that's why you're so fascinated by his love life?

It would be much healthier just to move on and forget him.

There’s very little chance he isn’t over you I’d say, given you were apart six months before he got together with his partner, which to me isn’t really rebound territory, and he’s been with her a year. Sorry.

What specifically have you been thinking about him?

Does this mean you are having regrets?

Why did you finish the relationship.

I don't think there is sense in looking for general truths or a numbers game - for example, men getting over faster, or how many months we are talking about either in terms of your separation of how long he has been with this other woman. It varies from person-to-person. Someone - man or woman - could move on in a matter of weeks, while others may be hurting and processing for months, heck, I personally know someone in the "years" category.

There is absolutely no use of doing math to rationalise things that are beyond our control - or that have nothing to do with us anymore. And that would be the point. You broke up. The moment he went left and you went right, nothing he does should matter to you - not to this extent at least, let alone losing sleep over any relationship he may have with other women... I'd suggest you focus your efforts and energies on healing and looking after yourself, because obsessing over an ex's potential love life is not good for you.

Yep he's over you.

If he was single and not over you, you wouldnt be giving him a second thought.

What did you want him to do after break up?

I'm the women on the other side of this. My partner split with his long term girlfriend of almost a decade. We got together 3 months later. She once told him he'd moved on quick; I don't think she believed it would last. I had my doubts at first, but he soon convinced me - through actions, not words - that he was over the relationship.

He's fully committed to our relationship. He is learning my native language to ask my parents whether he can marry me when we see them shortly.

Every so often she subtly rears her head. She's a mumsnetter, too (it would be funny if she read this, actually).

But him? He moved forward with his life two days after he kicked her out. The relationship had been over a long time before the official split.

So yes, OP, he moved on.

It’s hard to say, everybody is different. I was dating somebody for a year and a half. We ended because he still loved his ex.

Men who are the type to be able to maintain long relationships which then end do usually move on quickly because they are rapidly snapped up because they are so rarely available…