Apps to help with anxious attachment

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I am an anxious attacher which is causing me great discomfort in a new relationship. I have seen loads of adverts on social media for apps that claim to help with this such as from aurahealth and aheadapp.
Has any ever tried any of these that they would recommend?

Is it you or is it him/her

I don't know of any apps that can help but it is possible to manage anxious attachment and become more secure in a relationship (assuming the other person is trustworthy!).
There is plenty of material you can read online, a lot of it is free. The Attachment Project website is quite good. The Attachment Project: Learn Attachment Theory from Experts
You can assess your own attachment style and work out what kinds of situations trigger your attachment behaviour. eg here Attachment Style Quiz: Free & Fast Attachment Style Test
There are some good books out there.
One is "Attached" by Amir and Heller.

The best way to work on this is to understand your own attachment behaviour and how it affects your life, think about where your attachment style comes from (how you were parented, your early experiences in relationships/friendships), work out what you need from this partner, practice in person with them and work out if this partner can meet your attachment needs.
Ideally you would do this through psychotherapy (the experience of a healing relationship with the therapist can make you more secure in other relationships), but you can also work on it by yourself - even if you do go to therapy, you still need to do the homework in real life.
Good luck!

By the way I love your username... from my favourite book....

No

Who?

Manover366 it’s my favourite book too.
Thank you for your detailed answer. My partner is trustworthy and basically great and keen on me. I am in my 50s but for some reason an absolute wreck of anxiety. I am considering ending the relationship because I can’t cope with the anxiety which seems ridiculous. It’s long distance which doesn’t help.

TheBroonOneAndTheWhiteOne Howard’s End by E M Forster

chatgpt

Having been in an LDR id say anxiety is a symptom of the distance and you should try not to disappear down the rabbit hole of reading too much about it and categorizing yourself as an inherently anxious person . I think it would be a more useful approach if you could remove the emphasis that is currently on your subconscious fears about/within the relationship. I think a successful LDR is served well by an 'it will be what it will be' approach. And having faith in yourself that if the worst happened, that you will ultimately be ok, you will survive. And as it happens, the very fact that it's an LDR will.probanly help in that scenario! Have you heard of the Let Them theory? Maybe Google that.
There are many many hours you can spend getting anxious about your anxiousness. Ive been there and really do feel that this was precious time wasted. You are as secure as you tell yourself you are, providing there's been no shady behavior from your partner to give you reason to think otherwise.

Have you been like this in every relationship or this one in particular? I feel for someone avoidant and it drove me crazy. I wouldn't have said that I was an anxious person in relationships in my past. This one in my forties just pressed all the wrong buttons. I was checking my phone all the time for messages, utterly miserable when he went silent etc.

But my gut was right. He was a nightmare of blowing hot and cold and not knowing what he wanted.

I think if there is anything going on with him that triggers these feelings, then you'll struggle to feel ok. If he is stable and reassuring then you'll work through it.

AllSoComplicated he’s stable and pretty reassuring. I am very sure that nothing shady going on. My last new relationship was nearly 30 years ago. I think I was a bit like this but definitely not on this scale.

I just wanted to jump in and give you some reassurance here. I was exactly like this with the relationship I'm in now. Again it's a semi long distance relationship with a really calm stable reassuring man and I was very anxious at the beginning because I just had no experience really of relationships at this age and of this type.

I'd been in a 32 year relationship prior to that and couldn't even remember what I was like at the beginning but I think I do always anxiously attach. Then we would move in together basically so there was never anything to worry about because we were constantly together.

That isn't possible here so I had to be an adult and have a stable adult relationship and trust him. He's not a big texter either so that didn't help but he's like that with everybody in fact I think he texts me more than anybody else.

I just kept thinking to myself that my ex and I didn't need to be constantly in touch with each other once the relationship was stable and settled and I trusted that would get to that point which we have done. It all feels very comfortable and I completely trust him in every way. So the anxiety does settle if you give it time.

Sabrina Zohar on Facebook is someone who's pretty good at telling you to live in the discomfort and just stop expecting him to text you all the time.

She says go and do something else read a book have a bath do some exercise stop making your happiness reliant on hearing from this man. You have lived your life for 50 odd years without him you are not going to fall apart even if this relationship doesn't work out

LittleJustice thank you so much for taking the time to write that post. It’s very helpful.

Not being funny but where are you with menopause? I'm more anxious in general because of that.

I think maybe just identify triggers if you can and communicate openly. Hope you work it out.

I think what you need is therapy.