Partners family commitments issues

[Anneliot]

Hey ladies.
myself and my partner are in a long distance relationship. He lives in his house a few nights a week to spend time with his DC and then stays with me the other few nights.
He has an adult brother with learning difficulties that he occasionally looks after when his parents are away. This year though his parents have booked 8 breaks away. I asked my partner if his sister could also help out because the number of breaks away is excessive and it’s hard enough for us to navigate seeing each other with work and childcare commitments. Now his mum isn’t talking to me after I suggested this and he is saying we need to to have a serious talk! I just feel like booking 8 breaks away (which his mum has openly said is the most breaks away she’s ever booked) and putting all the caring responsibilities onto my partner is quite ridiculous and means when we already struggle to see each other a lot it’s going to become so much harder now. advice please! X

How long is each break? I think carers deserve the odd break tbh

To be fair if his mum does ALL of the care for his brother I'm not surprised she needs 8 breaks away, undoubtedly she'd deserve them.

Maybe a bit unreasonable to expect all the care to be done by your partner, HOWEVER it sounds like he doesn't mind and if thats the case there's nothing you can (or should) do about it. Its his decision.

Of course you can end the relationship if it isn't something you can put up with 🤷‍♀️

What are the family plans for where the brother will live when their parents can’t manage his care anymore, sounds harsh I know, but are they expecting your partner/his children to take this on?

How long are these breaks? A night away every six weeks is different to a fortnight away.

I think you’re being selfish, and if your partner didn’t want to do it I’m sure he’d have said something. If I was his mum I wouldn’t think much of you either to be honest.

You may not be the right woman for him

He cannot, will not, should not acquiesce to your need for him to make himself unavailable to his mum and brother. That's for you and him to work through

And if that means you can't continue then that's how it is

Why don’t you go an stay with him when he has his brother?

If he stays with you a few nights a week, I don’t see how you can say you struggle to see each other.
But I do think his sister should also help with their brother. Unless your boyfriend is always happy to have him and didn’t want his sister to? Or she can’t for other reasons?

YABU.

If his mum is his brothers main carer she deserves the breaks. Your partner isn’t doing anything wrong by helping look after his brother and if you’re with someone who’s long distance, has children and also a sibling they sometimes care for you need to accept that there will be times they can’t see you.

He needs to push back on sibling to share the load. It sounds like this may be a growing and lifelong commitment that you should seriously consider you can have as part of your life. Are there any ss support?