How do you get over being jealous?

[BrickStork]

I was in a 10 year relationship. Where I never had any worries about my partner cheating, being friends with females/exes or anything of the sort.
im now in a relationship and I can’t help but feel jealous about his past relationships. How he still is friends with girls he had crushes on or dated.
i see pictures of him with his exes and feel like i want to throw up. Thinking he’s missing them or doing the same thing he did with them that he’s doing with me.
he has an ex wife who he shares children with and sometimes i feel like he jumps at her every say.
hes a good guy. There’s no reason i should think he is entertaining anyone else. But it also doesn’t help we’re long distance and see each other every couple months.
I just want to get over the jealousy. The feeling like I need to go above and beyond to keep his focus on me. Meanwhile he does the bare minimum. In the since of like trying to dress nice, or cleaning up his home when I visit. Just the little things that I make sure to do.
This is all so new to me and I absolutely hate how I feel and am trying to change how I think but I’m finding it extremely difficult

To be honest if he’s phoning it in when it comes to your relationship and you only see him every couple of months, I’d be looking for a boyfriend who was prepared to show up more.

Quite possibly the reason you feel jealous is that you want (and deserve) cake and you’re getting crumbs.

My last relationship I had trust issues because it gave me trust issues. I’d never had any worries about my exh before that cheating. So ask yourself what in this relationship is making you feel this way. It sounds shit anyway

The sewing each other every couple of months and him
not making an effort is what’s making you feel like this. I think you need to ask yourself if this is all worth it? Is there an option to see each other more regularly? What’s the next step, will either of you move closer?

I don't think a long distance relationship is the right thing for you OP.

Particularly with some one who is still close to multiple women he has had relationships with.

Tbh his friendship with these women would probably still be an issue even if you did see each other more regularly.

I think you would be better to cut your losses OP.

If you only see each other every couple of months is it really a relationship? And you don’t sound happy. I think I’d move on.

I don't think this is the guy for you

Ask yourself why he is showing photos of other women in his past who he had crushes on. Ask why he would do that if he was considerate towards you. It sounds like an ego trip, he wants you to know what a catch he is and how you're lucky to be with him.

why are you cleaning his house, you're not his skivvy, or there for his convenience.

ditch, and find someone who care about you and wants to focus on your relationship not bother about his overinflated image. It will only get worse.

There is something activating that jealousy. Something obviously doesnt sit right for you. A gut feeling.

Your there trying to keep his focus on you "Meanwhile he does the bare minimum."

Its not balanced and you feel taken for granted. Hes not for you

He's not that into you. He doesn't feel your visiting deserves a clean place, or trying to look nice for you. He can't be bothered and puts forward no effort. Your visits aren't special and it's not like you're there much, this is just an every other month thing. He's still seeing exes and women he was crushing on.

You're not secure because it sounds like this is a one sided thing and it's all on your side. Stop cleaning his place. If he can't be bothered, leave him to his mess and his exes and friends.

You didn’t have trust issues in your last relationship because your bf didn’t give you reason to not trust him. This guy does, you are jealous/ insecure because he is making you feel that way. End it and move on.

What @CamillaMcCauley said. Why on earth would you be focusing on how to stop your own jealousy about other women, rather than asking yourself why you’re in a long distance relationship with a slob who thinks your two-monthly visits are so you can skivvy for him? End things and have some therapy to work on your self-esteem.

I just wouldn’t get that emotionally tied to a guy I saw once every couple of months, I don’t think he’s that invested which is probably why you’re feeling he’s not making much effort. Perhaps just see him as and when without the expectations of it being that serious or just move on, find someone closer that you can see more often. As for jealousy you are sometimes letting your imagination run away and other times other females you see as a threat, when you say friends with exes, does that really mean meeting up and socialising or just keeping in touch, it depends really on the context but ultimately if you feel uncomfortable, he isn’t the right one.