Separated. Same house for now. Weirdly normal.

[shesfashionroadkill]

DH and I separated two weeks ago. Instigated by me. There will be no sudden changes and I'll stay in the house for a few more months to make the transition easier for our ten year old daughter. But my intention is to rent until the house sells then obviously we should both be able to buy. But although my husband has accepted it, everything in the house feels normal still. We take it in turns cooking dinner, I'm still sleeping in the same bed 3/4 nights a week. We watch TV in the same room in the evening. Is this normal? Am I deluded in thinking it can be this easy? How long before it becomes unbearable?

Depends. I was living with my ex for four months after separating. It didn't really get weird until he asked me to get back together (while sleeping with another woman already). Until that point we were doing exactly that - living together as normal, sleeping in the same bed and even going out for our usual Sunday breakfast. In a funny way, this period was the best time we've had in our entire relationship.

Happened to me too.

Think it was nearly nine months as I was waiting for a flat purchase to go through. It was a mutual decision to split with no animosity between us. Slept in the same bed - functioned as before. The spark had long gone but we still got on okay - in fact it was probably easier as we accepted that we were now just friends.

Exactly how I’ve lived since we seperated. It went through phases of being very normal, watching TV together, shopping together, going on holiday still and phases where we pull apart.

Recently we’ve become much more distant as he’s started to see other people which is painful for me to be exposed to. Although we mutually agreed to seperate, it was never how I wanted us to end up. And I think this is what has broken that emotional tie and left us both at the stage where we are ready to move on in every sense.

So yes it is normal but the whole thing is a process and you will reach a point where you detach from each other and move towards more seperate lives. Lots of people in my life who had more ‘dramatic’ separations couldn’t understand it but it is quite normal in these circumstances.

This is comforting to read. I've only told one friend about it and she thinks this is all misleading him into thinking there will be a reconciliation. I will continue to gently raise this with him over the next few months but it just feels premature to throw a hand grenade into things now if I don't have to.

I think it depends OP- and you would know…. Is your husband in love with you/ in denial/ not taking you seriously? Or did you basically just both become friends/ detached, and both feeling pretty relieved by the new transparency? If the latter, then this is great- perfect way to divorce, with a high chance you can keep things amicable. If the former, then yes - gentle but firm mentions of aspects of separation on a regular basis, and avoid anything that could be misinterpreted (cuddling on sofa etc).