Pregnancy and sex

[tinseltits21]

I am 27.5 weeks pregnant and I’m worried my bf is going off me. I have only really started showing in the last few weeks but that, along with parenting classes and shopping for baby, is making the idea that baby will be here soon much more real for bf - before I think he could forget about it/it didn’t necessarily always cross his mind.

this weekend he was a bit reluctant to have sex because at the parenting class last week there was an emphasis on talking to your bump because baby can hear you and he’s worried baby will feel something when we have sex even though that’s not anatomically possible. He was also reluctant to have sex in the early days of pregnancy as he was worried something would happen (his friends who’d had ivf had been advised to abstain initially) but that faded as time went on and our sex life went back to normal.

he is still affectionate with cuddles and kisses. I did tell him I felt rejected and undesired by him and he said it’s not that he doesn’t desire me, he’s just concerned about the baby. We did have sex, he just expressed his worries now that baby is bigger.

AIBU to feel insecure about this?

I don’t think this is a reason for you to feel insecure at all. I think this is perfectly within the range of normal responses to an advancing pregnancy, and I think you should respect how he feels and not push sex if he is reluctant. It is nothing personal, it’s just a bit of a strange idea for some men (and some women) and can be hard to ignore and just crack on like nothing is happening in there.

When I was pregnant there were spells (particularly early pregnancy and late pregnancy) where anxiety, or just feeling weird about feeling my baby kicking while in the throes of passion make me want to step back from sex. Fortunately my husband understood and didn’t try to push me into something I wasn’t comfortable with, or made it about him and his insecurities.

Lots of people are uncomfortable with sex later on in pregnancy, even if factually you're not going to cause any harm psychologically for some people it just feels a bit weird. I was one of those people, DH was very understanding and it didn't harm our relationship. The fact he is still being loving and affectionate is key. Affection isn't only about sex.

Agree with PPs. Try not take it personally- he obviously cares about the baby, which is a good thing. And although the baby won’t be harmed by sex or have any idea what’s going on, PPs are correct that for some people (both men and women) it can feel a bit strange psychologically.

My DH would have been happy to keep going with sex throughout pregnancy but I reached a point where I didn’t want to do it because orgasms were actually really uncomfortable and quite unpleasant for me because they set off Braxton Hicks every time. DH was very understanding luckily so we just shelved it for the last couple
of months of pregnancy (and for a good couple of months after the birth too 😂)

Ah thank you everyone, you have made me feel a lot better! I won’t push it then and will just enjoy other means of affection. Really appreciate your words of advice