Possible Phone Tracking.- Any Advice?

[AlteFrau]

A female friend has started divorce proceedings. There have been two occasions on which her husband has hit her Her is quite a controlling character who believes, mistakenly, that she is having an affair with a male colleague and also that her female friends are 'a bad influence.' My friend - who is not the world's biggest techie - has always let him choose new phones for her, as gifts, and set them up. She believes he may have installed some kind of software which means he knows not only where she is, but what she is saying in calls, messages etc. She has bought a burner phone, which she keeps at work, which allows her to communicate securely. But the nature of her work means there are only a couple of times a week when we can speak.

We also live at opposite ends of the country.

She has been out of touch for some time and now I know why

I am at a loss - especially in relation to the phone issue. I am assuming it may be possible to uninstall this kind of software. But then doing so might put her at more risk? This kind of coercive control is out of my experience.

Is there anything I can/should say or do beyond just staying in touch via the burner phone.

I think theres two answers to this

The first is practical. Yes there are ways of reading your messages if you have access to someone's accounts. I would hazard a guess that he has access to her apple account, and whatsapp and i signed on as her on another device. You can have a computer version of someones WhatsApp for example and if you log in as someone on google you can see their searchhistory. Find my iPhone would also allow tracking, as well as any number of apps. The best way to start would be factory resetting her phone, checking where else her Google, apple, what's app, facebook accounts etc are logged in. (Or setting up new ones!)

HOWEVER THIS IS LIKELY TO NOT BE SAFE. Especially if she is still living with him, then the priority is her safety.

Leaving is a really risky time for a woman, and he will know she has suddenly reset all her devices. I wouldnt personally do it until I was in a position of safety and leaving the house. Personally at that point id factory reset the phone and just leave it in the house to be safe.

Knowing she is being tracked is an incredibly powerful thing, and allows her to make sure she isn't giving him dangerous info eg info on rental agencies, searches for dv support by accident. She needs to assume that he can see every message, call, google and email on that phone. She can also lay deliberately misleading trails so he doesnt know where shes going to live after.

Having access to a second phone means she has a seperate way to get help, Google to her hearts content etc and she needs to be careful about protecting that and not revealing it. It might be her only unmonitored communication.

My advice is to not use that clean phone at home, or do anything to link it eg join WiFi networks, cars bluetooth and joining any of her existing accounts. Keep it completely clean

Some services like facebook, banks, Amazon will send an alert if theres a log in on a new device for example alerting him to her new phone, and if she continues using an amazon account he can access after she's moved he will be able to see her new address.

Thanks. That's really helpful. And sobering.

To add to the above post, is she in touch with Women's aid. They will be able to help her get out safely as well as navigate online and telecom safety during and after the breakup.

An update. The friend whose main phone may be being tracked promised four weeks ago to pass the number of the burner phone on. They've not done so, and though I've tried messaging her 'unsafe' phone with non-commital messages intermittently about staying in touch/photos of spring flowers etc she's not given me the number yet.

Again, it would be helpful to know how worried MN people would be in this situation - and what they would do, if anything?

Is she still living with him? If yes, I’d be more worried. Are you in touch with her family or her other friends?

Yes, she is still living with him and I believe the legal process is being delayed by lack of financial disclosure on his part.I do know her brother slightly though he doesn't live near her and is very preoccupied by new baby and need to find new job. But he could be worth approaching.....