Trauma bonding

[Mumofboys1619]

several months ago my relationship suddenly ended after 12 years it was a situation that there was never a way back from ! Drugs was maybe forgivable but txting a minor inappropriately wasn’t so it was short and painless now someone I sort of knew crept into my inbox no physical attraction but enjoyed the distraction so we started something this man is in his 40s always lived at home doesn’t seem to have been able to hold a relationship longer than months so fast forward a few months he will huff over the silliest of things and use the silent treatment he is a narcissist but why have I fallen I love and why can’t I let it go :( my heart is braking everytime he leaves me and I stupidly take him back can anyone please give me some good coping strategies I mean I left a 12 year relationship without an ounce of sadness why am I not able to do the same now it’s embarrassing because I know how pathetic this all sounds

Google limerence

I did the same, my first relationship after breaking up with my long term partner absolutely broke my heart, but actually I think
it was just repressed from the previous break up. I'd 'coped' ok etc, but I don't think I'd dealt with it & this new break up just allowed it out.

you CAN do this. He's not good enough for you (or anyone!!) You deserve much more. You won't get more until you let this kind go for good

Cold turkey. RIP the plaster off. Make lots of plans, keep busy and move on!!

youj can do this!!

Thank you for your reply yes i think ive just blocked out the previous and its a big double hit your right tho i do deserve better we are not compatible i know that just wish it didn’t hurt so much :(

I haven't experienced it myself, but from observation I think this is a thing OP. A long relationship or marriage ends and yet it's the brief relationship after that one that causes the massive trauma and heartbreak. Maybe the second one really brings home the first loss - it's a kind of cumulative effect.

Anyway, you know what to do OP. Block this loser and re-start your recovery. Try spending some time alone before rushing into anything new.

You invested in new guy but didn't deal with the emotional fallout of your previous DV relationship and now that this has ended, you have the previous end of relationship stuff to deal with as well as this one not working out. It's compounded, like interest.

Take some time out of relationships. Do the Freedom Program and spend time on yourself.

I don’t think this is trauma bonding. I think this is simply you are vulnerable and someone saw you coming. Trauma bonding is a bit more when there is a traumatic situation as a whole (like if you and your ex got back together after his abuse of a child). This just sounds like manipulation and the guy is a jerk.