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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Advice regarding ex husband

8 replies

ECD123 · 01/02/2026 22:02

Hello
I have been separated 4 years divorced for 6months
we do not get along, we have no relationship. History of verbal abuse. Marriage was not a happy one.
There is a court order stating I need to put my house on the market April 2027 my ex can force a sale if I co habit for 6months plus.
we have a 75/25 split with the children, I have them the majority of the time.
I am in a new relationship around 6months with an old friend.
ex does not know, children are aware (10 and 12) and happy,
They did not want me to tell their dad as it felt like it was rubbing his nose in it.
We have booked a holiday in 4 months.
I have told ex the dates and we will be away.
i have not given any more information at present.
i just need to tackle the relationship part
advice please

OP posts:
TheSandgroper · 02/02/2026 00:29

I would ring Citizens advice and get a definition of cohabit. Secrets have a way of getting out and being messy so put yourself on the front foot. Don’t move new bloke into the house. He can wait and so can you.

Prepare to have the house on the market in 12 months.

ECD123 · 02/02/2026 06:08

I don’t plan to move him in. He stays once a week.
Its more telling the ex about the new relationship

OP posts:
CrackSpackle · 02/02/2026 06:11

ECD123 · 02/02/2026 06:08

I don’t plan to move him in. He stays once a week.
Its more telling the ex about the new relationship

Don’t. Not his business.

Randomuser2026 · 02/02/2026 06:15

ECD123 · 02/02/2026 06:08

I don’t plan to move him in. He stays once a week.
Its more telling the ex about the new relationship

Don’t tell him. You may be surprised that the kids don’t tell him at all either.
My (slightly older) never said anything to their Dad - beyond the occasional “I think she might have a date” if he asked why I was out. The new relationship wasn’t a secret, but it was never any of his business.

Catza · 02/02/2026 06:43

ECD123 · 02/02/2026 06:08

I don’t plan to move him in. He stays once a week.
Its more telling the ex about the new relationship

Why don't you need to tell him? He is no longer your husband, he has no business knowing any detail of your life. He new man doesn't live with you so you are not breaking any legal agreements either. Just live your life

Sassylovesbooks · 02/02/2026 19:22

Cohabiting means 'living together' in the legal sense of the word. Someone staying over once a week, doesn't constitute living together. So as long as your new man doesn't move into your property, you ex can't force a sale.

As for telling your ex about your new relationship, given he's a nasty piece of work, and is likely to kick-off, I wouldn't tell him. It's none of his business, who you see or where you go. Your only issue could be if your children let it slip, although they seem to be keen to keep it from their Dad.

Arlanymor · 02/02/2026 19:27

Why do you have to tell your verbally abusive husband about your dating life? It's none of his business and provided the children aren't being asked to lie about anything then it can stay none of his business.

SpanielLover356 · 02/02/2026 19:51

I think by any definition staying one night a week doesn't constitute co-habiting.

However, it may make your mind easier to have a legal definition of 'co-habiting' in case any questions are asked.

DWP don't talk about co-habiting, but about 'maintaining a common household' when deciding if a couple are a couple. They look at how they manage their finances, how & where they spend their leisure time, if they eat most of their meals together sharing food (rather than having separate meals bought individually), if neighbours, friends & family regard them as a couple, that kind of thing.

For example if Mr Smith spends very day with Ms Jones, regularly shopping for food & household goods together, eating at her house, sitting in her living room watching TV every evening, going on holidays together, has his post sent to her house, even if he's only staying over one or two nights a week & mostly sleeping elsewhere, the DWP may decide that they are 'maintaining a common household' and a couple.

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