Age/Gender/Relationship length: I’m 17M; my exchange partner is 17F. We’d been messaging for about two months before meeting in person, and the in‑person part of the exchange lasted one week.
Hello Reddit — sorry if my English is rough; it’s my third language and this is my first time posting here. I need advice because I think I fell in love with my temporary exchange partner and I’m confused about my feelings and my actions.
Two months before the trip, my school offered an exchange program: a German student would stay at my house for one week, and I would stay at theirs for one week later. I joined the program and got a message from my exchange partner. We talked more than most people did with their partners; we exchanged photos and she seemed really beautiful to me. When she told me she’d received a gift from her boyfriend at Christmas, it stung — I realized I liked her, and that hurt for a while, but I tried to be mature about it.
When the German students visited our country, the first few days were easy and fun. We had good conversations and I felt less stressed. But by Tuesday my feelings came back stronger: I kept looking for her during group activities, teasing and trying to be flirty. On Wednesday she was very friendly with several other guys (not German), and I felt jealous and uncomfortable when people told me how lucky I was to have her as my exchange partner.
Thursday was the worst day. I had a dissociative episode at school after a classmate’s question triggered something in me; I felt lost and disconnected for a long time. I came back to normal when we met the Germans, but later I dissociated again. My best friend noticed. The group split up and I couldn’t find my exchange partner; seeing couples everywhere and an old friend with a girl made me break down and cry silently. I walked home for about 40 minutes to cool off and sing, which surprisingly helped. I didn’t answer messages and came home much later than I’d said I would, which worried my parents and my exchange partner. When she asked where I’d been, I said I needed personal time and she accepted that.
That night I dreamed about being in a calm, happy relationship with her, and I woke up still hung up on it. Friday was uneventful, but Saturday — their last day — we went skiing and later to a party. I drank, was social, then sobered up and noticed my exchange partner flirting with many guys. I was shocked and told a German student that she was cheating on her boyfriend. That German told others, she found out and got mad at me. I then talked with two Germans who said they didn’t like her because she flirted with everyone; some people called her a “bitch.” I went back down, apologized, and lied that someone else had told me — basically I covered for myself.
An important detail: in the evenings she and I had deep conversations about her past trauma, bullying, retaking a year, and family issues. After the party drama, I think we patched up our friendship, but I’m not sure how she really feels about me now.
My questions:
- Will she be annoyed or distant when I visit Germany later, since I gossiped with those German girls?
- What should I do now to handle my feelings and fix things if they’re damaged? I’m confused about my emotions and my actions and would really appreciate any advice.
TL;DR
TL;DR: I’m
17M who fell for my
17F exchange partner after two months of messaging and one week together. I had jealousy and a dissociative episode, then caused drama at a party by accusing her of cheating and gossiping with others. We talked about personal issues during the week and seemed to mend things, but I’m worried she knows I gossiped and I don’t know how to act when I visit Germany. What should I do?